Destiny

There are sometimes
Certain thing
No matter how hard u work on it
It will never change
that's your FATE

I always think that the problem is with me
No one's fault but me
Trying so many ways to figure out what can I do
to make my life better

But now I know
that's not only me
my sibling
my closest one
they all having the same problem with me

We might not perfect
But we are not some rotten eggs
We are somehow gifted with certain talent
and we are all kind souls
But why are we still leading that kind of life?

Why are we feeling lonely?
What is the thing that lead us to the emotional side?
Now
at least I know
I'm not alone
with this destiny

People might admire you
but doesn't mean that they like you

You might have many fans
but you won't get many friends

Those who fall for you
you don't like them

The one you fall for
never feel for you

If you can't change your destiny
So why don't just accept it?

God is fair
they give you certain thing
and take away something

Make good use of the special thing that gifted by God
and try your best
Be Strong
and face the fact
Protect yourself from hurt
when that certain thing was taken by God

过去的

心情有些复杂
有感动 有羡慕 也有嫉妒
一直在想 如果他们也把我当成他们的一份子 那该多好

玩音乐 多么快乐的事啊
跟志同道合的朋友在一起 应该是很开心的

可是 这几年来 一次又一次被当成人偶来对待
我累了

看见他们开心感动的样子 我却没在里面
对 是我先拒绝的 那是因为
不管我有没有在里面 我都无法被归类进他们感动的一份子里面

所以 我并不想面对这些让我难过的人们
看见他们 只会让我看见那个懦弱的自己

被别人欺负只会躲在家里哭的自己
被别人忽略遗忘 只会静静坐在一旁 等待别人注意的自己
面对委屈 什么也不敢做的自己

也许我真的很难让人家接纳
也许我真的很懦弱
也许我真的不起眼
这样的我 一定要被看不起吗？
在弱肉强食的世界 我一定会被吃掉吗？

在回忆里 受伤的痕迹 永远不会痊愈
在你们无意间 受伤的心灵已经被逼到悬崖 没有办法再相信
在内心底的深处 你们是不能被原谅的

http://iamjiayi1989.blogspot.com/2009/02/blog-post.html
就算有一天 这篇日志被删除了 你认为 回忆里的伤口 就能忘记吗？
不是一次 而是一次又一次 弱小的人类 就应该被忽略 被利用吗？

我不是傀儡 不是呼之则来挥之则去的
需要我 就记得我 用完了 就丢掉
我就这么的廉价？

带着忐忑的心情 就这样去了发表会 反正 也是最后一次了
不会再有机会 看到我的过去了

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
番外篇
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1）
也许 被我骂了一顿 你觉得不舒服
看见我也不想理我了
如果你是我的朋友 如果你理解我的感受 你不会怪我
因为 在责任上 你是错了 在朋友的立场上 你更加错了
你没有对造成我的伤害道歉就算了 现在连见面也不跟我说话
这算什么朋友?

当我妈妈在骂我无聊参加什么比赛 自己找麻烦的时候
你又怎么知道当时我是为了什么才参加比赛的
因为我的朋友要求我 要我参加
当时我知道 也许参加人数不够
身为朋友 就算不想参加 这点忙也想帮一下
没想到这个帮忙 却让我费心费时间费泪水来挽救自己的名声
到最后还得换来你的白眼？
我不会后悔我做的一切 就算你不想把我当朋友
因为 我没有错

2）
那，对于那个对我人生攻击 幼稚的小毛孩
我是不是刚才看到他的时候 就该拿颗臭鸡蛋 往他的头上砸？
我没有这么做 我也懒得那么做
我不跟他计较 不是我漠视他对我造成的伤害
而是 在计较下去 在憎恨下去 只会加深对我自己的伤害
跟个小孩计较 我岂不是跟他一样幼稚
如果他认为他一时冲动 犯下了错误 是不是该道歉？
这是常识 不是上大学老师教的

想要对我的意见作反驳？不要攻击 不要从背后咬人
来面对面跟我好好谈 这才是大人的做法

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
结论：

对于那些抛弃我的：
我没有损失

做人要往前看 不要往回走
对于这段回忆 这是最后的追叙
对过去那个懦弱的自己 说再见

Strong

I might looks like I'm Ok...
but who knows
what happened deeply inside...

This is just a process...
Overcome it and you will be stronger...

Get rid of the cry baby inside of mine...
This is what I wanna do
To be strong

*now I know how hard to stop the water leaking from a malfunction pipe*

保护自己

在这个世界上

最重要的事情
就是保护自己
自己做的决定
自己承担
不能怨谁
连最基本的保护自己都做不到的话
你就会被这世界淘汰
不关我的事情
我也不会去管

Japanese Cultural Night 09/10 Video

Japanese Cultural Night 09/10

Have I ever mentioned, this is my Favourite performance EVER? Hehehe, it may not be the best, but I enjoyed from the start to the end, from practice phase till the final performance.

I guess Japanese Cultural Night performance will be my Last Music performance in my Uni life. And it will be the best in my memories.
Why? Because I got great costume, great band members, great songs, great moments, great supporters, applause and etc...
Although it is not the best performance of mine, off-pitch, forgetting lyrics and some others mistakes. But I realised that, this is the first time I smiled on stage. It's so natural, no faking for others. That's my best moment.

I feel that, finally, I found myself. I've back to the starting point.
The little girl that liked to sing Japanese song a lot and imagine that she can open her own concert.

She printed out translated lyrics.
Sing the song and dance around in front of TV when opening live concert VCD of SPEED.
Imagine that she is the one who open her mini concert.

Haha.
Although the stage she is owning now, is a small little mph stage with poor PA system...
But the most important thing, she enjoyed it and finally found herself.

(Finally fulfilled my wishes to have lots of picture with yukata! ^^)


Thanks to my band members for making my last performance a great one!
Ok 1stly... who should i intro first...

Kelvin - My elec guitarist

ahahaha... the loyal one... LOLx actually he just help me perform twice ny...
But he is a really kind guy lar... Treat me eat cheesecake somemore :P
dont see he 呆呆 one... He look very good boy rite? but actually his inner self is a really wild one lor... love red hair and gothic looks! ^^
He looks cool when playing guitar lor! Don't play play XDXD
Will kena sot one ok! I think he is single and available. Single ladies are welcome... :D

Jesen - Drummer
Ok this drummer ah... Banyak comments one... Have to put in dir en grey to please him.. And then say Natsu Matsuri Gina song... I use gina voice sing he oso wanna show me that kind of expression lor... =.='''
When he is late for 15 minutes, the 1st thing that i always said: wah, u so early...
Oh ya the earliest he can reach is late for 15 min, the latest... Needless to tell.. hahahaha
But as the prev judges said, don't at look this small little kid, he is playing so hard and with great power. Hahaha ya lar, he looks really cute when he don't shoot me. But most of the time, it's really hard for him to be kind to me one lor.
And he is not available for sale lor sorry ladies. He is taken by a real beauty :P

Arthur - My Bassist

One of the kind soul.
He is willing to help even that we didn't meet each other before!
Lol. Needless to say he got great bass skill.
(I only choose the best ok XD)
When he didn't play bass, he looks cute and funny lor.
Haha especially with his hamster teeth... ahahha
When he play bass, wah totally change into another person, jumping while playing somemore o.o
XDXD

Ome - Elec Guitarist

Wa absolutely a great solo guitarist
And he is so nice to become my final guitarist( Kena ffk by some irresponsible guitarist)
I was so fed up that time, and he appeared! That's why if you want the best, you have to wait patiently lar...
hehehe... Sometimes he is quiet, but sometime what he said will shock you... hahahaha
He is so nice to fetch me to practice since both of us staying at the same area.
Great to know new fren! ^^ somemore a good one :D

Jeffrey - Keyboardist

When the time I approach Jeffrey, the actual performance just 2 weeks to go...
He can catch up so fast... hahaha.... Of course I believe in him
A very efficient and punctual one! ^^
He is a great photographer too!
Thanks for the nice photos...
Love them so much ^^


I didn't miss out anyone rite?
lolx...


Oh ya, one more my Oniichan
Wan-san!
Haha, he is the one who invited me to join this event.
If not because of this event, we won't knowing each other.
A really caring brother.
Just sometimes he is acting over tention and over serious, make me tention oso T.T
But overall I can always have nice chat with him... :D
He is really nice nice nice nice! (*single and available* :P)


*Happy ^^*

Is me? Not me

Have you ever experience that,
when u are sitting in the lab, mind blanks,
have totally no idea what to do for the next step
Staring at the computer, looking at the peoples around you busy finding for the solution
While you don't even know what's the question asking about.

I'm not a smart person.
But I'm not dumb as well.
But indeed currently I look dumb in front of the codes.
How did i feel?
Insulted? Humiliated? Hurt? Losing my pride?

There are all kinds of stuffs that I never met before I enter my University life
Now i met it.
Overcome it?
Not necessary.
I have been treated like a fool or dumbass ever since I am taking this subject.
Regret or not, doesn't matter anymore.
This kind of life is going to come to an end.
4 years of humiliation that lead me to low self-esteem
Terrible right?

I know I'm good at somewhere else.
Actually I think that I can do well in anything other than programming.
Lolx.
Why did I choose it then?
That's a long long story that I don't wish to recall.
Anyway it's going to end soon.
Hopefully I won't face the same problem when I'm out there earning a living.
Oh god. No IT job!

I wanna get back the Real me
The one who is confident with who she is
the one who is satisfied with what she owned
the one who is happy with what she's been doing



Add on:
Oh well.
I actually feel so much better when I am doing my band practice, catwalk practice, sing and dance stuffs...
The difference is just like Heaven and Hell!
Oh my god.
Ya.
That's the place where I feel confident and satisfied.
Tired but happy.
That's what I want to be.
God, will you lead me to the way that I wished for? :)



Conclusion
Actually, I think I'm pretty good. :D