ღThe Sleeping Pianist ღ

Late Xmas Post

2012-01-08T22:50:00.002+08:00

My busiest Xmas night ever.
As this is my first time to be involved in my church Xmas celebration,
as a keyboardist!
I think we have broken some records like having 4 session of Xmas rally in 24 hours.
WOOTS!
Tired max. But I enjoyed most of the time with the team.=)

Look at my long legs. *Proud*

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女の、あの人/　女人。那个人

2011-12-26T01:16:00.002+08:00

也许真的以为能心如止水

再也不要触动那些复杂的情感

却还是忍不住

看着身旁的人　

冷的时候　有外套披上

重包包有人提

过马路的时候有人牵

当然，做这些事情，一个人也可以。

在特别的节日里　还是希望有个特别的人陪伴你渡过

没有玫瑰花　没有礼物　没有烛光晚餐　只要那个人　就够了

曾经，在婚纱店里询问个人专辑的资讯

谈到服装的时候，我就指定：

我一定要穿白纱！一定要！

老板笑笑对我说：

你结婚的时候就可以穿了啊！现在还年轻穿晚装吧～

我说：

都不懂有没有那么一天。。。

不是开玩笑。我是很认真的。

因为几段失败的感情，我觉得好挫败。甚至害怕。

是我的问题吗？还是，我还没有遇到对的人？

在好多心动的时刻，经过一再分析审查试探过后，

如果没有得到想要到的回应，

就只能停留在原地，遥远地看着，再也不敢向前一步。

试图说服自己：他不适合你。

却又隐藏不了那加速的心跳，

还有压抑在内心深处的对白：

我还想再见你。

努力让自己长大　变成熟

甚至要把头发染回深色

就因为喜欢　老实又成熟的男人

成熟的男人所向往的　却又是贤妻良母型的女人

不管我怎么努力长大　论举止　论年龄　论资历　我还是个小女孩

就算我觉得自己已经有欧巴桑的思想

真的好为难。

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曾经我觉得女人不一定需要婚姻。

可是后来发现，没有婚姻，女人的人生就不完全了。

当你的父母不在了，当你的朋友都有自己的家庭了，

你有了事业，有了金钱，却没有了白头偕老的人。

那真的是孤独终老了。

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温馨提醒，我今年２２岁，还剩５天。

我的愿望，就是找到能够牵着我的手进入教堂，

到生命的尽头，也不会放开的

那个人。

I'm Employed!

2011-12-18T22:49:00.000+08:00

I finally got my first official job! Since a year ago, there are thousands of people ask me:
"How's your job? Have you start working?" bla bla bla
I was like: "erm, I'm still working as freelancer and .... " *speechless*
Now, I can say it out loud, I'm Officially EMPLOYED. LOL, like I've stroke a fortune.

So here I am, after my first week of new job. How do I feel about it? Basically I think I have nice collegues for now.

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I want to BLOG!!!!

2011-11-26T16:05:00.000+08:00

I want to BLOG!!!

I have so many things to SHARE!!!

But I got NO TIME!!!!!!!

I'm TooooOOO buSY~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!

I just back from work.
And now have just completed my song editing stuffs.
And later I'm gonna rush for the I GOT TALENT competition held by my church group ...
Then Then Then... I have finish practicing my Dance! Die.

Oh So much thing is awaiting for me...
but why my pocket is still so empty...
Awww...

A picture of Coco.
After my toe was bitten by her.


Coco: I'm a BAD Dog.

Yes I know But I still ❤ you.

Long Way Home @ I wanna see HOPE

2011-11-17T23:09:00.002+08:00

Bekok, my parent's hometown. A peaceful small village.

My family and I used to spend our Chinese New Year with the our grandparents and the whole big family in this small wooden house.

Sky is always bluerer and grass is always greener at the village!

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David Garette Private Showcase in Singapore!

2011-11-02T22:17:00.008+08:00

For the first time in my lifetime, I won myself something from a lucky draw! It's a pair of "David Garrett Private Showcase in Singapore" tickets. How excited is that!

Actually I don't won it entirely by my own. I was asking for help from a friend who work in Singapore, and he is so kind to help me to SMS to the Singapore Radio Channel to grab a chance to win the tickets.

2 days before the concert, I got no news from my friend. Sigh, as expected, I got no luck!
But still, I prayed to God, I told HIM how much I wanted to go for this concert... And ...
TADA! Here I am, at the concert! Got a SMS from my friend a day before the concert, that I have won the tickets! Thanks GOD!!!

In disbelief, I immediately called my ex-bandmate AKA University friend Jeffrey whether he is free on the next day for the concert. His reply: I'm going to take half day leave for the concert! (He is a fan of orchestra concert!)
Anyway this is a Crossover(Mixture of Classical and Pop) Concert from David Garrett!

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My Recent Life : Oct 11 Updates(Outdoor shooting photos!)

2011-10-04T00:13:00.001+08:00

不小心瞄了一下，发现有一个月没有更新了~ 囧
时间过得还真快~

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Old Leaf Taste Nicer

2011-09-07T19:53:00.002+08:00

Girls are changing their mind, their favorite,
like every second ...
No matter on Food, Clothes, Make Up or Guys.

As for me,
There's not much changes about my taste on food.
I'm just crazily in love with sweet stuffs,
I need high sugar intake due to my low stamina and energy
and the constantly Mood Swing
And I hate coffee
that's why Chocolate, Cake and Ice Cream
are the alternatives to keep myself awake
and do things efficiently

Appreciation lunch for Glory Learning Centre, Full Gospel Church

Yogurt Ice Cream, J.C.O

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❤ Heaven of Puff ❤ Puff Garden, Mount Austin

2011-09-02T19:24:00.001+08:00

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我难过的时候会做什么？

2011-08-18T00:17:00.000+08:00

请慎读：纯粹发泄情绪贴

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WAF Camp "Be In" , EL Sanctuary Melaka.

2011-08-15T18:18:00.000+08:00

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♥Kiss me Heroine Make Series♥

2011-07-25T17:08:00.002+08:00

During the trip at Taiwan,

I happened to passby some warehouse sales of cosmetic product.

There were tons of cosmetic items on crazy sales

included famous Japanese brand like Dolly Wink, Kiss me etc...

I was so tempted to get the Dolly Wink product previously!

But due to its still-not-cheap price after sales, I decided to get Kiss Me Heroine Make series instead.

So I got myself the Volume & Curl Mascara and Liquid Eyeliner for 299twd each!

(It sold Rm40 at Msia I think? So not much cheaper also actually ... )

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†I'm Reborn.The Baptism.†

2011-07-15T12:32:00.001+08:00

Today is the day. 26/6/2011,

the day my sis, Yiling and I reborn.

The day we are going to be baptized, and become dear Father Lord's children.

It was a wonderful experience. The camp, the talk, the course, and the ceremony.

When we just arrived. Change into white robe.

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New Restaurant & Cafe in Johor Jaya!

2011-07-12T12:12:00.001+08:00

Woot! There's another new restaurant opened just next to Season,

after the grand opening of The Toast.

It's Baystreet 66!

It looks kinda classy from the outside view.

I wonder how does the food taste like?

Let's go check it out!

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♥7 July 2011♥ The story of Chicken Little

2011-07-07T23:50:00.004+08:00

♥7 July 2011♥ The story of Chicken Little

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Cough Medicine

2011-07-01T19:57:00.000+08:00

Super girl like me have been infected by flu and cough,

from my Papa Mama!

o(T________T)o

Aiseh.

I have to eat medicine right.

Here you go, my medicine!

Make Up review/Fashion Diary/Outing. Tired post =.=

2011-06-28T01:11:00.002+08:00

This iz the 1st Make up review I had.

Reasons: 1)Lazy. 2)Me make up noobie.

So Just do this for FUN!

It's also my "once in a decade" applying eye shadow!

Reasons: It's troublesome. It is not obvious, doesn't do much for the overall make up. I easily make my eyes look like just being beaten up. (0__0)

But yeah. I'm doing it, purely for fun. LOL. Still not willing to apply the eyeliner.

Hell yeah it's so troublesome to apply, and to REMOVE!!!

I almost looks like a nanny whose eyes are full with wrinkle(After rubbing so hard to get rid of the black liquid)

while I trying so hard to remove the stupid eyeliner

and yet, I still look like a panda.

Terrifying.

This is what we called: Without MAKE Up. A real one. Not those still with "Enlargement Lens"on punya cheat-without-make-up-photo. But got touch up abit la. Else later u heart attack. Frightened. LOL.

So today, I'm using my usual foundation powder + blusher + Lipstick + mascara(rare guest too) + My new FAV eyebrow mascara.

Left: Kate eyeshadow, Kiss me Mascara, Eyebrow Mascara, Lip and Cheek Tint,Fasio Make up remover. Below:I-enhancer Contact lens.

Today main lead is, TADA!
Eyebrow mascara.

I instantly fall in love with the it after the first try with Heavy Rotation eyebrow mascara.

So I bought this little cute thing from Naris Up, Brows Up eyebrow Mascara, From Taiwan!

I get the lightest shade because I wanna create the Japanese Gyaru Feel~ Hoho.

And it's not easy to apply.

I'm not sure whether is my skill problem or...

I hardly can apply it on my "eyebrow", I applied on my "skin" instead!

LOL.

So you can see that my eyebrow is not totally bleached. T_T

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Love me? Hate me?

2011-06-22T23:25:00.003+08:00

I wonder

Why somebody hate me that much?

Why somebody love me that much?

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New Blog Title, New me

2011-06-17T23:21:00.004+08:00

I come up with this new blog title

after coming back from first day of my baptism camp.

The camp inspired me about this new title.

Since I always wanted to be a pianist, I can be a pianist when I'm in heaven too.

Imagine how beautiful will that be...

Surrounding with angels and holy voices ...

I'm going to lead a new life, with Jesus.

I'm going to reborn and become a new person.

Old Jiayi has gone.

New Jiayi is going to lead a spiritual and fruitfulness new life.

Walking with God.

No more pain, no more struggle, no more hatred.

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The bitches are so GANAS

2011-06-16T22:53:00.000+08:00

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Converse Warehouse Sale

2011-06-05T22:54:00.003+08:00

I saw this banner about the Converse warehouse sales somewhere near my neighbourhood,

I immediately grab my cell group member to this warehouse sales!

Arrived @ 7.50pm on the 1st day.

We were startled looking at the big crowd in front of the warehouse!

I wonder why there are so many peoples are wandering outside.

Then I found out that NOBODY is allowed to entering ANYMORE?!

It's because that they will be closing the shop @ 9pm and currently there're around 200,300 peoples inside. LOL!

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集点换购活动 Gift Redemption Programme

2011-05-30T01:03:00.003+08:00

话说，我最近超哈集点换购活动的，动力是：满足感，优越感。囧

I was so Crazy in love with Gift Redemption Programme recently, Seems like I can get some sense of achievement and satisfaction from it. LOL.

上个月，逛THE STORE 时不小心瞄到一只摆在摊子上的喵喵，好像要集不懂多少个点就能以Rm1.90 换购了。
When I was shopping at THE STORE last month, a KITTY caught my attention. I need to accumulate points to get it with RM1.90.

调查了一下，要25点，一点30元。( = o = )'''

Rm30 x 25 = 750大元。我的上帝。

不过指定商品也有加送一点。

So, it need a total of 25 points, You have to spend Rm30 for each point.
Means total you have to spent RM750, O.M.G.
There's bonus stamp for purchasing certain item too.

所以不管三七二十一，拖着全家大小~有什么粮食，需要不需要的，都到那买！

（其实我们家是Giant的忠实顾客，便宜嘛）
结果特地选购指定商品，总换得来，也只有区区3、4点。
沮丧啊。\(╯-╰)/

So I just drag my family and buy whatever we need (or no need) at THE STORE.
(We usually shop at GIANT, cheapest supermarket in town.)

But I just manage to get 3,4 points...
Disappointment...

到最后，干脆就站在收银处，问问哥哥姐姐，
"你们的点数贴纸还要不要，可以施舍给我吗？"

这个需要相当的勇气。还有厚脸皮。

给我这个内向的人，算是很大的尝试了。

集到了14点。我已经无力了。

脸皮被削的很薄了。︸_︸

打算就放弃了吧~

In the end, I give up my pride, waiting in front of the cashier, and ask from the gor gor jie jie,
whether they need the stamp, if don't want then give me lor thankyou.
Manage to collect 14 stamps.
Feel strength-less already.
My face very thin one OK?
Such a big challenge for me, I need LOTSA courage to do this kind of thing. LOL.

Decided to give up =(

怎么知道，这个动力延续到了台湾。

7-eleven有小叮当风扇换购活动。只要10点，每点66台币！这个容易多了。

所以4天的行程，我告诉同行的林佩宜， “我们3餐都吃7-eleven好不好？”

到最后，当然是遭他白眼咯.... ( 。__ 。)
Who knows, There's a same kind of programme held @ 7-Eleven in Taiwan!
We need to collect 10 stamps, cost 66 TWD each, to redeem a Doraemon Fan! This one is easier.
So I suggest to Lim Pui Yee:
"Dear, we had our all 3 meal @ 7-Eleven Ok?"
Of course she rejected me. T_T

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Wear pretty without costing a bomb, sales item!

2011-05-23T18:17:00.002+08:00

I am writing this post while waiting to book my bangkok trip with AirAsia Rm 0.10 SALE!

It's the 6th hour. Lolx.

Super HOT red sandal, From Vincci. It's on Sale! Rm20++ only!!

In love with Little Chicken @ First Sight. Rm20 from KSL Shopping Mall.

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The Toast

2011-05-09T17:42:00.002+08:00

Recently, there's a very HOT cafe around my living area, Tmn Johor Jaya,

The Toast desu!

Since the grand opening, the cafe is crowded of people everyday.

EVERYDAY.

What so attractive about it?

Out of curiosity, I went to check it out with my family,

(I realized that I forgot to take the photo of the sign bord. =_=)

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Rio 2011

2011-05-05T17:56:00.003+08:00

The very "first" Movie trip with Mummy along!
I think Madagascar 1 is the last movie we watched together... LOL

Fully prepared!

(师奶本色=X)In the end we still eat popcorn more than the snacks XD

See Toh Xiao Mui camwhoring~


Rio is a place, not the bird's name. LOL.

The story is roughly about:

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Rainy May

2011-05-05T00:36:00.001+08:00

Heavy rain pouring outside, and I still have to work.

Play around with my S95 to calm my mood... while driving

(Kids please dont learn! Jiejie is experienced! =X)

♪Rain drops are falling on my head♪

♪They keep falling♪

3 May 2011

Kinda ❤ my outfit today.

Although my bottom looks bulky =X

*Sorry for the dirty mirror. Oops.*

❤ This angle wei

My fingers look so NAIS ~ ~ ~

4 May 2011


Oh yea, I cleaned the mirror! Ya, I admit, same pant. lol.

Love taking photo with this angle. Syok.

The bag Ima using now. My old bag finally break down after heavy use by me. FYI, this bag provided by my Mum, which got more compliment than any bags of mine. What so good about this square black box? T_T

This little pink monster very Q hor? Given by my little sis. A little Deco on this dull bag only match my style ma... lol.

Recent Food I ate:

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Randomz March

2011-03-10T23:53:00.001+08:00

The first thing that comes to my mind when I open my blog,

"Walau, this song damn Emo one ... (first song played in my blog: B Rossette)"
"But I liked it. The violin so damn Nice! I always wanted to learn violin."
"I'm forbidden to learn it since secondary school. Cuz I have to focus on Piano!"
"Sad."

Ok. I feel so Random now. I wanted to talk something random here.

Just Randomz!

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我的人生， I believe I can.

2011-03-02T22:58:00.007+08:00

我的人生
是自由的
什么样的人生
都由我自己作主

我的人生
冒险的艰辛的
没有榜样
没有指引
全靠自己摸索一片天
自己的决定自己负责

走对了是我的
走错了还是我的

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2011 Wish List =Full of ♥♥♥=

2011-02-15T11:07:00.005+08:00

Now I realised My birthday is One week Away~
Aw... I seriously don't want to get Older...
Boooooooooooo~
I'm going to be 22 Man!
I wanna stay 18, Can ah?
=P

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Shopaholic's Diary: KSL City Shopping Mall

2011-01-02T22:26:00.014+08:00

Finally,
there's a new shopping mall opened in our boring Johor Bahru town!!!
Let's welcome KSL City Shopping Mall!
which located exactly opposite of our old Holiday Plaza.
Big contrast eh? Unfair to the old building lar ... =P

Well, I've do a lot of research on this shopping mall before I go.
There's some special info that I got from the forum,
which the most popular topic is about it's super lame carpark design and unorganized shop lot design.
I will show you how "lame" the carpark is in the picture below.

Other than that, A lot of shoppers commented that our so called"5 star shopping mall" turn out to be a 1 star budget shopping mall centre, which is lower standard than Jusco Tebrau City.
Lol. Never mind, I will find it out for you.

I went there one week after it's grand opening.
The shopping mall still crowded with people on weekdays.
Pictures will tell the story =)

Nice interior.

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Could you be more helpful?

2010-12-25T23:31:00.004+08:00

Could you be more helpful on ruining my xmas mood?

I gave you time, I gave you chances, because I thought you could work something out?
Sometimes I wish you could just shut up instead of spouting some bullshit that didn't helping at all.
You're just being silly and childish all the time.

What's the purpose of keep telling me the things that you couldn't do and being upset about it?
Am I not upset enough?

Why can't you be more mature and say something useful to me to make me feel better, when I miss you.
When I wish to receive some reply from you, what you said made me regret instantly.

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I cookED! Lolx

2010-12-15T00:54:00.005+08:00

Yea, I prepare a not-too-grand-but-not-too-bad dinner for my family...
I don't why such a sudden, I just wanna Cook Lor...
Don't ask me why.
And those who knows me, *Cough cough*
I'm not really good at cooking...
Tikam here n there...
Pour this here add this there~
But no worry, no Bad Record YET.
hehehe. As in, my food still edible lar~

Tada!
Still not too bad right?
~Proud of myself ~ ehehehe

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Interesting blogger

2010-12-10T22:08:00.009+08:00

Xiaxue n Cheesie.
I guess lotsa young girls know these 2 famous blogger right?

Recently I just keep reading their blog... (Perhaps I'm really too free ... n BORED lol)
Ok la, I admit I'm outdated.

One of the reason that I'm a follower of their blogs, is the Frequent Updates,
to KILL my BOREDOM! ~(￣3￣)~
There's lesser n lesser things that I can find to do when I'm facing my lappy.
Aiks... Emo sial. I used to stick with my lappy 20 hours per day.

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Rainbow 彩虹

2010-12-05T21:27:00.005+08:00

Chapter 1

好久没有看到彩虹了
It has been ages since I saw a rainbow
A real rainbow, in the sky.

那一瞬间。
眼泪在眼眶打滚。
就好象神在告诉我
“雨后有天晴，熬过了，晴天就来啦”

Tears was rolling in my eyes.
Rainbow symbolize peace and harmony.
Sunny day come after a big rain.
Is God telling me that
"Be brave, overcome the obstacle, and good things will come along"?

Fighting!
Be strong Jiayi!

Chapter 2

忙碌的日子里，总要停下来休息。
可是我可是闲到不能再闲了！
Ok lar, dedicate to those busy friends of mine. lol.

Chapter 3 Random updates
Regular injuries. Car lock accident, considered as quite serious case among all. lolx.

百年一见难得画面！妈妈帮可可梳毛~！
Super rare picture!

-The end-

Super Barbie Nudy Series

2010-12-01T23:17:00.005+08:00

Wohoho~~~

After a long time, I decided to purchase another brand of Korea contact lens...
Finally I got my Super Barbie Nudy Black! It was out of stock every where last few months...

Nah... Here's the result...

*Please ignore my one big one small eyes ><''' *

Well, the first time experience is not that pleasant... Aiks
The second i put on it, I already feel the uneasiness in my eyes.
And the vision got blocked a little by the pattern of the lens.

*messy hair*

The lens is 16mm(BIG) and it's a bit hard to adjust it to fit my pupil perfectly ... LOL
And my vision got blur and dry sometimes, My eyes are kinda sensitive one =P
My eyes turn red after 5 hours of wearing... ><

*Without make up ohoho*

Overall the effect is quite natural, consider it's a 16mm black lens...
Hehehe~
Hopefully my 2nd experience will be better... =)

Quote of the day: When I get bored with the common topic we had, Or maybe we just don't have common topic.

磨石子

2010-11-09T13:07:00.002+08:00

磨石子。好玩吗？
众所周知，我很懒。
磨石子这种费力费神费时间的事情，不适合我。
既然这样，为什么不找个适合的石头，反而却一直紧握手上的这颗石头，想把它磨亮。
明明就知道必须要磨好久，或者是不管磨几久，都不会变成钻石。

有时候会问自己：你并没有很喜欢他吧？
这些付出，会有回报吗？
还是到头来还是一场空？

身边的人会问：为什么是他？
天才，有钱人，好好先生你都不要，那为什么是他？
我说不上来。没有原因。
就是，曾经很讨厌，却又不讨厌，又讨厌，又不讨厌。。。
这样子一直循环着。

一块玉，不管你怎么磨，都是一块玉，不会变钻石。
它不是没有价值，就只是不是你想要的。

我在想我到底有什么资格要求别人为我而改变
可是父母想要的那种女婿我不能否认的确是为我好
毕竟我不想再玩玩而已
我会想到以后
虽然我的前几次都没有什么以后
可是或许“不小心” 我们有以后呢
那个时候再来后悔会不会来不及了？

优种男人

2010-10-28T20:23:00.003+08:00

"有时候想分享的事情
顿了一顿觉得你可能不会明白所以就作罢了
就像很多时候你跟我说的事情我也不明白一样"

有着初恋般爱玩爱闹可爱情侣的感觉
纯纯羞涩的不管明天会发生什么事只要在一起就好了的
那种心情那般傻劲
已经不适合用在现在的我身上

变得现实了...
变得贪心了... ...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
曾经想过
我要嫁个怎样的男人
要跟怎样的男人过我的下半辈子

他一定要大过我
大我很多的那种
成熟稳重
有自己的事业
可以不帅可是一定要有智慧的优秀的男人
能够代替我父亲
带领我保护我教导我的
让我有安全感的一个男人

也可能
我就用我的下半辈子
呆在罗马
独自居住过我的一个人的精彩
邂逅不同的男人
帅的有魅力的
过了就忘了的
直到遇到一个对的人

很早之前我就知道门当户对很重要
就庆幸我自己不是富家女
要不然选择又少了

现在的女生很可怜
不断地让自己进步
高学历高职位
漂亮又有智慧
却落得败犬的下场
是不是这社会上的优种男人越来越少了？

End:
有时候胡闹久了谈的话题好没有意义甚至是浪费时间
that's what we meant, “Crap”
废话少讲那是了解彼此的调味料不是主菜
对增进感情作用不大
两个人在一起总要来个智慧性的谈话至少是有意义的
或者也许根本没有共同的话题吧

跟一些音乐爱好友谈谈彼此对音乐的看法
或者是大学老友谈谈自己以后的目标和理想
总会让自己很开心很满足
就是那种感觉
好喜欢那种感觉... ...

The CURSE

2010-10-19T10:29:00.003+08:00

So all the 3 months curse is caused by me?

Now I know it =(

I was so passionate n active for the first few month.
Not until 3 months later.
I will get really sick for facing the same people continuously for 3 months.
No passion no patience no love NOTHING other than bored and some irritation.

I'm bad.
When you just fully explore someone, you will get bored.
Is it true?
When there's nothing for you to discover
you look for next target...( I not yet that level lol)

Is that a curse?
Or just a psychic side of me?
I hate myself being like this
hurting people and hurting myself

And there's something always on my mind, wondering how is it possible for those couple to be in a relationship for 1 year, 2 year, 5 years, 10 years or even enter marriage
That's sound so impossible mission for me since I get bored of one individual within 3 months.

I try so hard to fix it fix it fix it lorrr...
My heart has been telling me
let him go, let him go

How I hope I can have a long lasting, sweet relationship.
And now i realize that's too greedy to ask for it?
Am I suppose to be a player and change target time by time.
Nop, definitely no for me.
I rather to be single in that case.

God, change me. Change my heart.
I wanna get happiness.
I don't want to end up being alone.
=.=

-我没资格谈恋爱-

爱好自由，贪图新鲜，爱慕虚荣的我
不是一味地讨好和温柔
能满足的

我讨厌你

2010-10-17T23:05:00.003+08:00

我讨厌我们像两条平行线
永远无法交会

我讨厌我们生在两个世界
思想上存在好大的差异

我讨厌你把我的思绪搞混
把我好好的生活弄得乱七八糟

我讨厌我混乱的思绪
把我的生活搞得一团糟

我讨厌你说的话
让我越来越后退

我讨厌你天真的以为
只要努力就能忘记所有的不适合

我讨厌你的举动
让我越来越没信心

我讨厌为什么让我遇见你
为什么要让我混乱凭什么要让我难过凭什么给我一线希望
然后害怕所有的一切在以后的哪一天又会消失

我讨厌你对我好
要是你对我不好的那一天我会恨你
我真的会恨你

我讨厌你！！！

I ♥ SubZero

2010-10-15T00:10:00.005+08:00

Just to share with you the latest T shirt series from Subzero.
Casual yet lovely!

Quote of the day: “一直想要拉近我们的距离，是我错了。”

It's not that easy 没那么简单

2010-10-11T22:02:00.003+08:00

我想一个人静静地离开到一个好远的地方去
不管生活多苦多难是好是坏都是自己的选择
我自私我不想背负责任不想背负期望
我只想没有压力没有谴责没有牵累别人地过日子
I wanna leave. far away from here.
No matter how tough the life will be
Good or Bad
is my own choice.
I'm selfish.
I don't wanna bear any responsibility or hope
I wanna be free
free from any condemnation and pressure
and free from became somebody's burden.

我很差劲
不管做什么决定都好像是错的
因为全世界都在否定
尤其是我最亲的家人
I'm a loser
As if every decision of mine is wrong
Because it's like I've denied by the whole world
especially my closest family

不被祝福的爱情
很辛苦
因为这个世界不只有我们2个人
做夹心人的我身心疲惫
我不知道该如何是好
被否定的当儿我无法反驳
因为他们说的都是对的
也许嫁户好人家
就是他们最大的安慰了

The relationship that's not blessed by others
is tough to maintain
That's not only 2 of us in this world
Being a middle man is exhausting.
I can't retort when my statement is denied.
Because they are correct.
They just want me to marry a good guy,
and it will be their greatest pleasure.

我要的生活被认为没有前途
可是我何尝不想有个完美的计划
来策划我美好的将来
让自己能够开心地工作却也能存钱制造美好的将来
我知道自己自私
老大不小了没给家用还白吃白住
我也很烦恼我也很愧疚我也很自责
却找不到两全其美的方法
The life that I wanted
it means no future, to them
I want a perfect life plan
I wish to happily work and save plenty of money for my future as well
I know I'm selfish
Still being a freeloader when I'm such a BIG gal now.
I'm guilty I'm troubled
But there's no way I can found as a perfect plan for me

背负着责任和谴责让我很无助很彷徨
我真的不知道该怎么办了
好辛苦好难过
The responsibility The condemnation
Really exhaust me
The sorrow The depress

我好想付清所有的债务
金钱上的人情上的
独自一个人远走高飞
不再当别人的负担别在为别人而活
I wish that I can clear off all the debt
money debt ... debt of gratitude
I wanna leave
somewhere far from here
I don't wanna be somebody's burden
or live for somebody anymore

is hard

I just can't let u go

2010-10-05T00:31:00.003+08:00

I know I'm selfish
being such a COWARD facing all the uncertainty of the future
I'm so weak to overcome my fear
My destiny
My past
And suck to verify my feelings

I don't speak
I think
And I see monochrome scene for our future

Everytime I decided to give it up
I just fail to do so
I'm such a loser
Cause I can't decide

I know someday I will belong to the sea
But not now
I'm an ice
But I love fire
I rather to being burned and melted into water
Than fell into the warm embrace of th esea

I love adventure
I love sparks
I want romantic
Now I know that I'm not a young innocent girl ANYMORE
Traditional technique just can't satisfy me

Such an idiotic woman

如果 IF ... Photo: AmberChia Workshop

2010-09-28T16:30:00.006+08:00

如果，你的爱能弥补我受过的伤。
If your love, can fill up my wound, and make it healed.

Amber Chia Workshop, Sg Wang.

Ah~ Blur pic =( Shorty me with slim and LONG Amber lol
啊！模糊的照片~难过啦~矮冬瓜我和长长的Amber~

Make up session. Omg My eyes are so red due to the sensitiveness towards the contact lense =(
And Please ignore my rotten face T.T
化妆啦！我的眼睛竟然在这重要的日子冒血丝！而且是很恐怖的那种~隐形眼镜惹的祸~
我可怕的烂皮肤~不睡觉的后果 ~。~

Ah~ Super thick and black eyeliner with SUPER LONG falsies~ *Wink*
超黑超厚的眼线，还有超长假睫毛~不是普通的重~

My sexy back~ *vomit* Is my super wide shoulder!
超宽的肩膀~昏~

Photo session

不像我，没有修很大啦~只是灯光问题~呵呵。没有很喜欢。感觉好老 ><
Is that me? Lol. No photoshop just the different lightning present different effects.
I don't really fancy this group of photos, I look so old wei~

算了吧

2010-09-19T23:31:00.005+08:00

也许时间还没到
也许我真的不适合
也许我真的不需要在为无谓的事情难过～

我本来就适合一个人生活
多一个人　只会增添我的烦恼

不需要想念
不需要陪伴

你说阿～
一个人有多好

不开心就不说话
开心就蹦蹦跳跳
我不需要为别人而活
别人也不需要为我而活

也许我真的要求太多
也许我真的想太多
可是这就是我
这样的我　让自己很受伤
也让别人受伤

所以
所有的一切一切
就让我自己承担就好
就这样算了吧
就当是生命的过客

那个梦　太过于真实
我真的不想再成为　被留下来那一个
所以我先选择离开

幸福指数：－１０００

我寂寞寂寞就好了

2010-09-18T22:54:00.002+08:00

*呵呵～
盗用歌名～不要告我*

我觉得　我好贪心
真的好贪心
好想拥有好多好多
多到我觉得自己好可怕

我也不觉得　有人可以满足我
他们也没必要满足我丫

满足我的虚荣心
忍受我的善变　我的情绪化　我的自私小气　我的无理取闹

虽然我总奢望有这个人出现
可是　到目前为止
好像只有我自己能够忍受这样的自己
这就是为什么到现在我都和自己谈恋爱～
咔咔

别人也有自己的情绪　凭什么要人家来迁就你呢？
迁就久了～也会厌倦吧
唉

感性的我
想要像野蛮女友那样
不爽就乱打乱骂乱七八糟

理性的我
却知道这样是会吓跑人的

综合下来
变成
压抑着不快乐　却又不能假装快乐笑脸的包青天

结局就只有内伤的自己
和让别人不爽的自己

为什么　人要有情绪
我的情绪化真的是让我搞砸了好多事情

我想你的时候　我不说
我生你的气的时候　我不说
我要依赖你的时候　我不说
我要你哄我的时候　我不说
我就以为你是我肚里的蛔虫
什么都不用说你都能明白
哦　还有一点
我很顽固　=/

有时候　会想你
有时候　却觉得一个人也可以
这样反反复复
累得我想吐血

我真的想把我的右脑重新program过～
太累人了

本小姐　现在出现情绪低落症状
请保持警戒状态
囧
欲哭无泪～

幸福指数

2010-09-15T17:26:00.004+08:00

如果，
幸福冲破一百点
我要。。。

喜欢你sukidayo

2010-09-15T14:22:00.001+08:00

Love this song!
So sweeeet =)

1.喜欢你(Su Ki Da Yo)作词：阿怪　作曲：曹俊鸿

(朋子)：想要靠得这么近　现在不可以
(千佳)：我们的关系只比　第一次见面(HA JI ME MA SHI TE)多一点
(爱纱)：甜言蜜语慢慢说　太快听不懂
(麻衣)：请温柔一些(YA SA SHI KU SHI TE NE)好好的对我
(合唱)：喜欢你(SU KI DA YO)要天天说
别忘记(WA SU RE NA I DE)随时想念我
不能说你没空　每天要陪我　喜欢你(SU KI DA YO)说了就要做
别忘记(WA SU RE NA I DE)不能忘记我　现在开始加油
要你做我的　第一(I CHI BAN )男友
A-AHA-AHA YA YA YA YA A-AHA-AHA喜欢你(SU KI DA YO)
DA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA DE-LI-LI DA-LA-LA
Let's Go 一起走吧(I KI MA SHOU)
DA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA DE-LI-LI DA-LA-LA
喂!喂!(MO SHI MO SHI)打电话给我　等你喔
(朋子)：陪我走到家门口　再见(SA YO NA RA YO)
(爱纱)：Say Good-Bye的心情　有一点Feeling Blue
(千佳)：甜言蜜语慢慢说　让你听得懂
(麻衣)：Love me Tender好好的对我

hesitate 犹豫

2010-09-14T11:41:00.005+08:00

２个不同个性　不同背景　不同兴趣的人
真的能合得来么？

当话题不相同　沟通触礁的时候
那个尴尬的气氛

当其中一个方高谈阔论
另一方却感觉沉闷的时候

那种感觉～
好可怕 =_=
恐怕　在接下来的日子
会很难熬吧。。。

就算勉强进入对方的世界　那能维持多久～

２个不同世界的人　到底要如何相处
我真的不知道
也开始在犹豫了～
=/

你根本没有在听

2010-09-11T07:48:00.005+08:00

你根本没有在听！你根本没有在听！你根本没有在听！
你根本没有在听我说。

心痛好像要把我吞噬掉了
这证明我所需要的一些时间让彼此更加了解彼此是正确的
因为你根本不了解我

你说的每一句都让我难过难堪
所谓的相信能够建立在一个没有基础的感情上吗？
你凭什么让我相信你？
那些随时会变成空头支票的承诺！
如果没被兑现我又会再次被当成傻瓜

我们身在不同世界存在许多差异
你不能为了我改变
我也不能为了你而更勇敢

因为我知道如果这次我在倒下去
我可能无法再站起来
我花了多久的时间多少的泪水多少的强颜欢笑
重新建立起一个坚强的我
或者是一个不再随意让人家闯入我的世界的我

我不能再让自己受到伤害的
在这个世界上我最爱的还是自己
因为没有一个人能让我完全信赖

他也曾经说过
我们年龄上个性上学历上
所有的大差距一定能克服的
只因为我已开始拒绝的理由，就是我们根本不适合在一起

可是为什么离开的时候他却告诉我：
“你当时说的话很对我们的确是两个世界的人的确不适合在一起”
只留下了被泪水浸湿的承诺

我感谢他让我认清了感情这回事只是在我人生中的绊脚石
谁要敢再给我承诺我只会觉得滑稽
所以不要再说些有的没的
互相体谅互相相信的
因为我们对彼此的了解还没到那个阶段
有本事就证明给我看。。。！
你能为我做什么？你能为我牺牲什么？

有爱情没面包绝不可能幸福
我们都老大不小了
思想差异引起的摩擦更可能在感情淡化的时候随时爆发
如果我一个人不需要受苦
我跟着你我要忍受吗？你不是说会照顾我吗？

如果你能把我当公主疼我照顾我
用心听我说忍受我的情绪化
不管怎样都会守护我
那为什么我现在会流下委屈的眼泪
为什么你要让我难过
因为你说的你根本做不到~！

如果有一天我接受了
一定是确定了他不会让我流半滴眼泪受半点委屈
用尽他的所有来爱我

只想让你知道单靠心是没用的
心是会变的心是会变疲累的
我曾经也一直依靠着自己的心选择自己的路
最后被留下来的是我
我不想再被留下

信心是建立在行动上的
在没有完全信任之前我不会踏出那一步
一失足成千古恨

低潮期

2010-09-02T11:42:00.002+08:00

我相信每个人都会有低潮期
可能长可能短

对于我而言次数还蛮频密的
=（

这几天心情很郁闷
可能因为长时间呆在家里
偶尔就跟姐妹吵架
要不就给父母碎碎念

成天都不知道干啥
面对一整天的电脑又会中骂
的确少了人生目标

我也不是完全没工作
可是做了part time工很多时间也都呆在家里
没有车不能随处乱晃

跟朋友出去固然开心
可是会觉得累会觉得好像再蹉跎时间

我该怎么办啊我

最重要的是精神上的折磨还真的是难熬阿
睡不够睡不好
一觉醒来精神差到不行
更不用提接下来的一整天了
肯定是很郁闷的

重点是
低潮期几时才过啊？！
是大姨妈要来了么？
郁闷。。。。。。

特别

2010-08-25T10:34:00.001+08:00

当有个人觉得
我很特别的时候
当下我就知道
是该逃离现场了。
说我胆小，说我没种
都没关系了。

逃避，
永远是保护自己的一个模式。
不会变的。
因为，那个噩梦一直在纠缠着我。
我再也不要被耍得团团转了。

Funny fact

2010-08-24T00:08:00.003+08:00

The fact that,
I'm actually noob till need my parents' help to pick my future husband?
Erm.
I mean
Boyfriend.

And, they did.
I think they are so glad to do so =.=
It's not tat i let them pick from a long long list~
Just that ...
there are more than one ...
Bah~~~susah lor

0 : no market.
1 : ngam ngam
>1: headache =________=

The votes doesn't represent my stand though~

There're too many things for me to consider
Too many things to stop me from stepping forward
Stop me from getting into a relationship
The fear The situation The mindset
stopping me to step further

They(members of list LOL ) are not comparable
But they are similar
The degree of similarity makes me wanna cry
They are sooooooooooo similar with each other
but so different with me T.T

Well Well Well
Finding future partner is hard
Let nature take it's course

But the funny fact that My dad actually APPROVED one of them
making me @.@!!!

below is the conversation:

Dad: Ok lar, u can go follow this XXX to ****(place name)...
Mum:U sell daughter meh?
Me:O.O???

This is the first time i talk about my relationship problem with him since i was born!
And the first time he actually approve other people's son to take care of his dear daughter!
This is so SURPRISING and beyond my expectation!!! >________________< 21

My mum advice will be : He have to love Christ...

Erm....... now I'm under parent's guidance (yes Im 21 but im staying at home!)
So I think im restrained by her rules already~~~~
So... so ...
Pandai pandai la ... LOLx

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Anyway, Final Decision still with me right?
I'm just too confusing to make any decision right now~
My heart and mind is in a mess
Which i hate them to be in this state
I still prefer single life MAN!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Great brain, Great look, Great talent, Great achivement, Great heart, Great background, Great future, Great feeling ...
Somebody that love y0u, somebody that you love, somebody that can take care of you, somebody that can get along with you, somebody that share your interest

I don't know what's the condition of a boyfriend anymore...
and the definition of LOVE

FEELING doesn't mean everything
But WITHOUT FEELING
you got NOTHING

=============================================================

I have met someone that makes me feel warm and sweet

The little gift makes u smile
The accompaniment keep u secure
Somebody that you can rely on
But bully at the same time (haha!)

But
there's no thumping heart
u can't feel any hotness on your cheek
.
..
...
....
I dare not to think further ... =P
cause there's no more illusion on further part...

!!!!!!!! It's not the time yet I GUESS !!!!!!!!!!

I guess I will still need to carry on with my single life..
Two might not be better than one...

Anyway
I'm not a lonely creature that need some others people to intrude into my life
Getting into a relationship is not simple as
changing your FB profile status
and spread the news to the world

You have to be responsible and committed.
Not for a day, a month of a year
is for

A LIFE TIME

==============================================================
When someday
I can understand myself more
When someday
My heart could tell
I will unlock the door
to make u a VIP
in my life

=============================================================

抚平

2010-08-08T14:39:00.003+08:00

每当夜深人静
入梦前
胸口突然隐隐作痛
伤口
原来还在
一直来都是被忽视掉了
被刻意忘记掉了
它
从来没消失过

主求你抚平我的伤口
一点点也好
就这样一点一点地复原
请你给我力量
让我勇敢坚强
我会
遇到一个更好的人的
=)

头号危险人物！

2010-06-30T23:25:00.003+08:00

人很危险
人的嘴巴更加危险
曾经有人对喜欢我的人这样形容了我
佳宜吗？你要小心她

LOL 竟然有人把我这个少根筋的人
列入危险人物的行列里
笑瓜我
这样也不错至少人家不敢随便爬到我头上来

虽然好奇
也对这个对我挂上危险人物牌子的人产生些警惕
想一想
算了吧不要自己找事烦
啦啦啦睡一觉就忘掉了
想当年如果发生同样的事情早就哭死掉了
今时不同往日咯 Don't play play

为什么要在外面散播无聊的谣言
三八咯~
为什么要在背后讲人家坏话
胆小咯~
为什么要听信别人的闲言闲语
因为不是真心的朋友
为什么宁愿赞同造谣者也不愿亲自询问当事人
懒咯

Walau A~
显咯
做人为什么要那么复杂
不爽就讲
不肯定就问
不要乱听乱信再继续乱讲
不会累灭？
昏~

觉得我危险为什么干嘛还假假对我好
不懂是谁危险
晕~

做么一定要两个人？

2010-06-19T22:05:00.000+08:00

要睡就睡
不用等电话不用陪聊天

要看戏就看戏看到几点都没关系

要吃就吃想吃什么就吃什么
不用怕肥不用迁就吃别人喜欢吃的东西

要美容就美容要化装就化妆
不爽就不要打扮懒惰就做黄脸婆

想出门就出门想跟谁约会就跟谁约会
想穿几性感就几性感想穿几怪异就几怪异

省电话钱省礼物钱省电影票钱省吃饭钱省时间还能去赚钱
如果你衰衰遇到那种还要帮他付钱！谁知道爱情是麻木的，人走了，才发现银行里的0存款成为最后的回忆

最重要
少费心少费力少费时
少浪费tissue 少浪费口水少浪费泪水
不怕暴饮暴食不怕患上忧郁症不怕提早老化

活出真正的自己不是活出别人要的自己
付出了满足了别人到最后自己却是两手空空

WALAU A~ 悲哀 T.T
再说下去我应该会去做妈姐了

不过如果你不是一个人又没有以上的征兆
恭喜你啦！你真的很幸运
要珍惜哦~

一个人的时间都不够用了还要分给另一个人

傻的灭？

给曾经最好的朋友

2010-06-14T22:05:00.002+08:00

给曾经最好的朋友：

2个来自不同小学
性格完全不同的小丫头
在中学相遇了

虽然个性迥然不同
却总有聊不完的话题
中学生涯里
你的身边总会看见我
我的身边总会看见你
形影不离的2个女生
聊八卦聊偶像聊男生

还记得我们同时喜欢上同个男生
然后每次在他后面为了一些小插曲兴奋傻笑吗？

头两年我们总会为小事吵架冷战
我还会因为你跟其他人很要好而吃醋呢~
慢慢的不用吵架我们也能更了解彼此更要好

我知道你沉默安静的时候不喜欢别人问你是不是心情不好
所以我不问
你不喜欢人家批评你的偶像
所以我就算不喜欢也不会讲

在学校的时候从早讲到晚
回到家的时候还能包电话粥
上课一起上逃学一起逃

失恋有你借我肩膀
就算你有时会不耐烦
还是会听我说完

你不开心有我在
我永远支持你

毕业了
六人行
我最舍不得
到最后还是分道扬镳
各自踏上自己的旅程

可是连络没有间断过
我会特地2个星期回一次家
只有2天的空闲时间
也会找你出来喝茶
连爸妈都骂我找朋友也不陪父母

生日还是和往常一样
一定会一起过
不管是你的还是我的
虽然你的礼物总是最不尽我意的
或者总觉得还有些敷衍
不过能生日能够一起过我已经满足

间中你跟6人行发生了些事端
因为你是我最好的朋友
我相信你我挺你
因为你只剩下我了
就算我人在外地
也特地赶回来
一把眼泪一把鼻涕想要帮助你们和好

可是。。。

现在想起来
我是不是信错你了？
因为我跟六人行有了同样的感觉
被抛弃的感觉

STPM过后
你去新加坡继续你的学业
明明那么靠近
我特地从吉隆坡下来
却总见不着你

科技那么发达
你却从没主动联络我
都是我找你
你说你学业忙
好已经忙了2，3 年了
还在忙吗？

还记得当你说你要跟我网上谈天的时候
我多么的开心
好像谈恋爱那样兴奋得不得了
可是话题总是围绕你
因为你难过
所以你来找我
我特地拨出那宝贵的1，2小时
就为陪你，安慰你

当我还在担心你的时候
你早已走出伤痛
快活去了又消失了踪影

原来只有难过的时候才会想起我

我人生最失意的时候
黑暗得只看得见幻影的时候
你根本不知道整件事的来龙去脉
你根本不在乎
那些官方的留言
省起来吧

我以为每年一起过生日
是不用说我们都知道的
因为就算一整年不见面
我们最重要的日子都要在一起
的确
你都有为我庆生
虽然收到的礼物总让我觉得没有收到也许会更快乐些
我没说
礼物好敷衍
没钱有心意就好
可是我看不出来 5元商店的摆设品有什么心意
也许是我挑

难得见面的时候我们却变得很客套
我感觉陌生了

你的生日
不需要我了
以为你最重要的21岁生日
一定会有我
可是原来你不需要
你有他就够了吧

六人行里我们2个是最好的
可是现在
我跟他们任何人的关系都比你亲近

你真的没感觉到吗？
还是就像我妹说的
你已经不在乎了？

是我一直傻傻地在乎着
对你冷淡希望你有天会发现
可是如果我不说的那么明显
也许你永远不会发现那个伤我最深的是你

可笑吧？
而且，我还是第一次听到有人被形容成
“中学的最好的朋友”
还会那么开心
如果是我
我想听到的是
“一辈子最好的朋友”

接近10年的友谊
不是说放就放的
21年人生中
为一被我承认为“知己”的
就只有你一个

写完后
感觉自己好幼稚
好像小学生时常说不要跟你好那样
对像绝交信吧
我没有要绝交
可是太在乎的朋友也很难再次变成普通朋友吧~
就算我说我们不需要再叙旧了你也不会来追问我为什么
我知道因为
你不在乎了
哭了再哭哭了2年了
是时候

说再见了

也许

2010-06-13T23:28:00.000+08:00

也许,
你还不明白，
我们已经不是好朋友了。
至少对你而言，是这样子。
也许，
就把昔日中学最好朋友放在回忆里就好
不需要再强求了
再见

日记一则

2010-06-10T18:59:00.008+08:00

心情有些Down
食指又在发麻
只好努力地用着中指Scroll着滑鼠
颈项不知觉地抽动
头壳摇摇欲坠
心情很郁闷

好显
好累
不知该作什么
没来由地在纸上
东画西画
有头没脸有脸没身体
抽象却又真实地直接地表达心里最强的感受

一个人吃着擂茶
看着报纸
好像老了许多
T.T

空空的躯壳
灵魂去了何方？
我
还在努力寻找自己的方向

Destiny

2010-04-20T17:51:00.007+08:00

There are sometimes
Certain thing
No matter how hard u work on it
It will never change
that's your FATE

I always think that the problem is with me
No one's fault but me
Trying so many ways to figure out what can I do
to make my life better

But now I know
that's not only me
my sibling
my closest one
they all having the same problem with me

We might not perfect
But we are not some rotten eggs
We are somehow gifted with certain talent
and we are all kind souls
But why are we still leading that kind of life?

Why are we feeling lonely?
What is the thing that lead us to the emotional side?
Now
at least I know
I'm not alone
with this destiny

People might admire you
but doesn't mean that they like you

You might have many fans
but you won't get many friends

Those who fall for you
you don't like them

The one you fall for
never feel for you

If you can't change your destiny
So why don't just accept it?

God is fair
they give you certain thing
and take away something

Make good use of the special thing that gifted by God
and try your best
Be Strong
and face the fact
Protect yourself from hurt
when that certain thing was taken by God

过去的

2010-04-15T23:07:00.005+08:00

心情有些复杂
有感动有羡慕也有嫉妒
一直在想如果他们也把我当成他们的一份子那该多好

玩音乐多么快乐的事啊
跟志同道合的朋友在一起应该是很开心的

可是这几年来一次又一次被当成人偶来对待
我累了

看见他们开心感动的样子我却没在里面
对是我先拒绝的那是因为
不管我有没有在里面我都无法被归类进他们感动的一份子里面

所以我并不想面对这些让我难过的人们
看见他们只会让我看见那个懦弱的自己

被别人欺负只会躲在家里哭的自己
被别人忽略遗忘只会静静坐在一旁等待别人注意的自己
面对委屈什么也不敢做的自己

也许我真的很难让人家接纳
也许我真的很懦弱
也许我真的不起眼
这样的我一定要被看不起吗？
在弱肉强食的世界我一定会被吃掉吗？

在回忆里受伤的痕迹永远不会痊愈
在你们无意间受伤的心灵已经被逼到悬崖没有办法再相信
在内心底的深处你们是不能被原谅的

http://iamjiayi1989.blogspot.com/2009/02/blog-post.html
就算有一天这篇日志被删除了你认为回忆里的伤口就能忘记吗？
不是一次而是一次又一次弱小的人类就应该被忽略被利用吗？

我不是傀儡不是呼之则来挥之则去的
需要我就记得我用完了就丢掉
我就这么的廉价？

带着忐忑的心情就这样去了发表会反正也是最后一次了
不会再有机会看到我的过去了

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
番外篇
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1）
也许被我骂了一顿你觉得不舒服
看见我也不想理我了
如果你是我的朋友如果你理解我的感受你不会怪我
因为在责任上你是错了在朋友的立场上你更加错了
你没有对造成我的伤害道歉就算了现在连见面也不跟我说话
这算什么朋友?

当我妈妈在骂我无聊参加什么比赛自己找麻烦的时候
你又怎么知道当时我是为了什么才参加比赛的
因为我的朋友要求我要我参加
当时我知道也许参加人数不够
身为朋友就算不想参加这点忙也想帮一下
没想到这个帮忙却让我费心费时间费泪水来挽救自己的名声
到最后还得换来你的白眼？
我不会后悔我做的一切就算你不想把我当朋友
因为我没有错

2）
那，对于那个对我人生攻击幼稚的小毛孩
我是不是刚才看到他的时候就该拿颗臭鸡蛋往他的头上砸？
我没有这么做我也懒得那么做
我不跟他计较不是我漠视他对我造成的伤害
而是在计较下去在憎恨下去只会加深对我自己的伤害
跟个小孩计较我岂不是跟他一样幼稚
如果他认为他一时冲动犯下了错误是不是该道歉？
这是常识不是上大学老师教的

想要对我的意见作反驳？不要攻击不要从背后咬人
来面对面跟我好好谈这才是大人的做法

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
结论：

对于那些抛弃我的：
我没有损失

做人要往前看不要往回走
对于这段回忆这是最后的追叙
对过去那个懦弱的自己说再见

Strong

2010-04-13T19:53:00.004+08:00

I might looks like I'm Ok...
but who knows
what happened deeply inside...

This is just a process...
Overcome it and you will be stronger...

Get rid of the cry baby inside of mine...
This is what I wanna do
To be strong

*now I know how hard to stop the water leaking from a malfunction pipe*

保护自己

2010-04-09T02:57:00.002+08:00

在这个世界上

最重要的事情
就是保护自己
自己做的决定
自己承担
不能怨谁
连最基本的保护自己都做不到的话
你就会被这世界淘汰
不关我的事情
我也不会去管

Japanese Cultural Night 09/10 Video

2010-04-08T23:37:00.001+08:00

Japanese Cultural Night 09/10

2010-03-31T23:55:00.003+08:00

Have I ever mentioned, this is my Favourite performance EVER? Hehehe, it may not be the best, but I enjoyed from the start to the end, from practice phase till the final performance.

I guess Japanese Cultural Night performance will be my Last Music performance in my Uni life. And it will be the best in my memories.
Why? Because I got great costume, great band members, great songs, great moments, great supporters, applause and etc...
Although it is not the best performance of mine, off-pitch, forgetting lyrics and some others mistakes. But I realised that, this is the first time I smiled on stage. It's so natural, no faking for others. That's my best moment.

I feel that, finally, I found myself. I've back to the starting point.
The little girl that liked to sing Japanese song a lot and imagine that she can open her own concert.

She printed out translated lyrics.
Sing the song and dance around in front of TV when opening live concert VCD of SPEED.
Imagine that she is the one who open her mini concert.

Haha.
Although the stage she is owning now, is a small little mph stage with poor PA system...
But the most important thing, she enjoyed it and finally found herself.

(Finally fulfilled my wishes to have lots of picture with yukata! ^^)

Thanks to my band members for making my last performance a great one!
Ok 1stly... who should i intro first...

Kelvin - My elec guitarist

ahahaha... the loyal one... LOLx actually he just help me perform twice ny...
But he is a really kind guy lar... Treat me eat cheesecake somemore :P
dont see he 呆呆 one... He look very good boy rite? but actually his inner self is a really wild one lor... love red hair and gothic looks! ^^
He looks cool when playing guitar lor! Don't play play XDXD
Will kena sot one ok! I think he is single and available. Single ladies are welcome... :D

Jesen - Drummer
Ok this drummer ah... Banyak comments one... Have to put in dir en grey to please him.. And then say Natsu Matsuri Gina song... I use gina voice sing he oso wanna show me that kind of expression lor... =.='''
When he is late for 15 minutes, the 1st thing that i always said: wah, u so early...
Oh ya the earliest he can reach is late for 15 min, the latest... Needless to tell.. hahahaha
But as the prev judges said, don't at look this small little kid, he is playing so hard and with great power. Hahaha ya lar, he looks really cute when he don't shoot me. But most of the time, it's really hard for him to be kind to me one lor.
And he is not available for sale lor sorry ladies. He is taken by a real beauty :P

Arthur - My Bassist

One of the kind soul.
He is willing to help even that we didn't meet each other before!
Lol. Needless to say he got great bass skill.
(I only choose the best ok XD)
When he didn't play bass, he looks cute and funny lor.
Haha especially with his hamster teeth... ahahha
When he play bass, wah totally change into another person, jumping while playing somemore o.o
XDXD

Ome - Elec Guitarist

Wa absolutely a great solo guitarist
And he is so nice to become my final guitarist( Kena ffk by some irresponsible guitarist)
I was so fed up that time, and he appeared! That's why if you want the best, you have to wait patiently lar...
hehehe... Sometimes he is quiet, but sometime what he said will shock you... hahahaha
He is so nice to fetch me to practice since both of us staying at the same area.
Great to know new fren! ^^ somemore a good one :D

Jeffrey - Keyboardist

When the time I approach Jeffrey, the actual performance just 2 weeks to go...
He can catch up so fast... hahaha.... Of course I believe in him
A very efficient and punctual one! ^^
He is a great photographer too!
Thanks for the nice photos...
Love them so much ^^

I didn't miss out anyone rite?
lolx...

Oh ya, one more my Oniichan
Wan-san!
Haha, he is the one who invited me to join this event.
If not because of this event, we won't knowing each other.
A really caring brother.
Just sometimes he is acting over tention and over serious, make me tention oso T.T
But overall I can always have nice chat with him... :D
He is really nice nice nice nice! (*single and available* :P)

*Happy ^^*

Is me? Not me

2010-03-18T23:28:00.003+08:00

Have you ever experience that,
when u are sitting in the lab, mind blanks,
have totally no idea what to do for the next step
Staring at the computer, looking at the peoples around you busy finding for the solution
While you don't even know what's the question asking about.

I'm not a smart person.
But I'm not dumb as well.
But indeed currently I look dumb in front of the codes.
How did i feel?
Insulted? Humiliated? Hurt? Losing my pride?

There are all kinds of stuffs that I never met before I enter my University life
Now i met it.
Overcome it?
Not necessary.
I have been treated like a fool or dumbass ever since I am taking this subject.
Regret or not, doesn't matter anymore.
This kind of life is going to come to an end.
4 years of humiliation that lead me to low self-esteem
Terrible right?

I know I'm good at somewhere else.
Actually I think that I can do well in anything other than programming.
Lolx.
Why did I choose it then?
That's a long long story that I don't wish to recall.
Anyway it's going to end soon.
Hopefully I won't face the same problem when I'm out there earning a living.
Oh god. No IT job!

I wanna get back the Real me
The one who is confident with who she is
the one who is satisfied with what she owned
the one who is happy with what she's been doing

Add on:
Oh well.
I actually feel so much better when I am doing my band practice, catwalk practice, sing and dance stuffs...
The difference is just like Heaven and Hell!
Oh my god.
Ya.
That's the place where I feel confident and satisfied.
Tired but happy.
That's what I want to be.
God, will you lead me to the way that I wished for? :)

Conclusion
Actually, I think I'm pretty good. :D

停止.前进

2010-03-14T20:33:00.007+08:00

我的悲伤止住了
我浪费太多时间沉浸在这悲伤里头
这份感觉也折磨我太久了
是时候抬起头继续的朝我的梦想前进了

21个年头我到底做了什么
浪费了太多在处理自己的情绪
我知道我不够好
不是不够是非常不好
我所有的不如意不快乐
都是自己造成的
因为自己个性上的不完美带来的困惑
所以
I wanna be a better person
变成更好的人
就能找到更适合自己的人

21岁了
岁月不饶人
再不做点成绩
我真的是白活了

虽然我的举止动作还像个15，16岁不会长大的小孩
可是我会努力让自己的心智达到21岁。呵
现在啊，有20岁了吗？
（我妈常说：人家“幸运”的现在这个年纪已经做妈了，你还像个小孩一阳跳来跳去 LOL）
可是我还想保存15岁的单纯
尽管这个世界是有多么复杂
我还是希望自己能够简简单单地真诚的面对身边的人
Maturity= 21
Outlook= As young as possible :D
Behaviour= 21/15 Depends :D
Innoncence= always 15

This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I will hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by :)

Baby->Primary school

Secondary school

Alpha

Beta & Gamma

Delta

Empty promise

2010-03-06T20:03:00.003+08:00

The tears are bitter...
I don't like the feeling when it's rolling down on my cheek and hitting hard on the ground
It just make me looks pathetic

Why must people break promise?
No matter intentionally or not
It hurts

The more hope that you're putting in the promise they gave
the more disappointment u get.

Maybe they just didn't prioritize me as much as what i did to them.
Losing hope
Losing faith
I don't want to believe anymore.
Stop telling me about what we gonna do when we MEET NEXT TIME
the next time will become endless wait
I'm just sick of the waiting
and the feeling of happy for nothing after a long wait

If you really care
there will never be empty promise

If I care
I will never break my promise
I swear

Stop imagine about partying and outing
Just dream on!
Nobody will bother about me.
People doesn't care
As much as me
Maybe just because I'm a pathetic soul
who desperate for people's accompaniment
crying over somebody's absence

Best friend list?
Nope I don't have
I'm just a single soul
left with nothing

The extra concern of unrelated peoples should be saved from annoy me more.

-I reject every date that I had just when I received your call that you are coming.
-I stay back when you said you are coming to meet me.
-I rather to get scolded and push back my family priority to meet you.
-I specially stay up my night to clean my room when I thought you are coming.
-Can't you see how important you girls to me?
-Is it that hard to spare a time for me?
-I even need to reserve your time a week advance? or even earlier?-
-You are always my priority.
-I can decline any plan in my schedule just because a sudden call from you.
-But why I never appear in your schedule when you got free time?
-I spent all the time online searching to plan for the party and stuffs but
end up nobody is able to attend.

It's just 3 days Official Video

2010-03-05T13:40:00.003+08:00

Muahaha... It's not official MV or something.
Just "officially" get the video recording from the person in charge.
FYI, this is the performance during 潮极爱国华语歌曲创作比赛（Chinese Song Composing Competition).
Pls Comment!
Well I know I keep running out of pitch ><

SAVE the DOGSSS~~~~~~~~

2010-03-04T01:33:00.002+08:00

The latest addition to PetFinder.my is a service featuring Pound Dogs - dogs that are caught by local dog pounds and have only a few days to live before being euthanized. We will be working closely with the NGOs to feature these poor, innocent souls that require urgent rescue to escape death.

Save These Pound Dogs Now !!!

Please help spread the word on these urgent adoptions - your simple word of mouth could save a precious life!

Regards,
The PetFinder.my Team

Ahhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~~`
Malaysian Government go DIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
U can't take their live just because u HATE them!!!!!!!
There are livesssss too!!!!
What you can do is just take kopi money!
The dog still can help us to protect our house when you are doing nothing!!!!!!!
Damn u Stupid Msia Government!!!!!
Stop killing the innocent livessssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!
U will be cursed for your whole lifeeeeeeee!!!!
Bad peoplessssssss! ><

Save them by adopting them! PLz!!!!!
3 days left for them ><

http://www.petfinder.my/listings.php?sortadopt=8

They are so cute and innocent, how u bear to see them get killed after 3 dayssssssss
I so wanna cry...
I already got 2 dogs at home I cant do anything :"(
Save them please.
God will bless you by doing such a good deed.

我爱他

2010-03-03T23:42:00.004+08:00

他的轻狂留在
某一节车厢
地下铁里的风
比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊

对他唯一遗憾
是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪
都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

我爱他
轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦
狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他
相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏
都不肯醒来

我爱他
跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心
深深伤过却不会忘
我和他
不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂
最终的荒唐

***music***

如果还有遗憾
又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了
就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

逃不开
爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖
越多的空白
该怎么去爱

如果还有遗憾
是分手那天

It's been a year

2010-03-02T00:00:00.002+08:00

I never know that it will be so long...

It�s been a year since you were here
But not a day can pass without
Something coming up to remind me

We plumped the depths and beat the best
But nothing that the rest can say
Will ever let me think of you unkindly

Someday, when you can forgive me
And I can see you as a friend
Someway, we can go back
To the things that we lost at the end

I think you see that you and me
Was better than the rest of the shit
We been sentenced to live in

Now you know that even when
We sunk as low as man could go
Nothing could have felt more like heaven

Someday, when you can forgive me
And I can see you as a friend
Someway, we can go back to the things
That we lost at the end

It�s your eyes deep into mine
Making me tremble to touch you
And dig out what�s hidden behind

It�s your smile, travels for miles
Making me die to be with you
And stay by you just for a while

It�s your eyes deep into mine
Making me tremble to touch you
And dig out what�s hidden behind

It�s been a year, since you were here
But not a day can pass without
Something coming up to remind me

有个人能让你笑却不能陪你哭

2010-02-27T21:06:00.004+08:00

当你发现有个人能让你笑
能陪着你让你不再寂寞
却也发现他不能陪你哭

他能让你笑是因为他还不了解你
他没能让你停止哭泣是因为他不了解你

他硬要把自己的观念套在你的身上
叫你如何做才是正确的
他是个导师不是朋友
因为
他不能接受原本的你

当你对于他的“教诲” 感觉到腻了
友情也就这样散了

原来知己真的难求
能让你笑也能陪你哭的
找不到
在你需要安慰需要说话能陪在你身边的
找不到

害怕一个人
害怕孤独
可是
不是随便一个人就能填补那个空洞的

失去

2010-02-23T00:11:00.002+08:00

失去的得不到的永远是最让人怀念的

即使并不是最好的

Wish List ~updated~

2010-02-07T00:05:00.003+08:00

Benefit Hello Flawless

Ext DVD driver

External hardisk

Thumb drive

Red Wavy hair

Chipmunks...

More dresses! Forever 21 Dress... (I wonder whether it's out of stock or not :()

Polka Bag...

Most important one, Friendssss! No matter old one or new one...

Snail...

2010-02-05T00:55:00.003+08:00

Did I said that I wanted to tell u story about a creature...
Snail...
Ok, the Real Snail, in the , reality, actually Im super scared of it, cuz of it's "leg" produce sticky mucus... and it's appearance isn't that cute... bla bla bla... Ok enough of craps....

Can i write in chinese? LOL so hard to express in Eng :P

虽然蜗牛并不可爱，可是，我却跟他们有着其妙的缘分。这里说的，当让不是在地上那个粘粘恶心的昆虫。。。是指人。

他们，曾经都是对我很重要的人。
而我也贪心的想要，把这段曾经永远的保存。
可是，并不时那么简单。
友情爱情亲情世界上这么多感情，
这么复杂
有谁能够发誓永远在一起不变心？

太多的误会
太多的无奈
也许就把这些友谊画下句点
可是我相信缘分把我们拉在一起一定有它的原因
如果不是深仇大恨为什么不能放下自尊忘记不愉快重新来过？
除非那个朋友不值得你那么做
可是对于我来说你值得

她曾经和我分享我们之间的点点滴滴
她曾经要求我在睡前陪她说话
她曾经让说不想吃炸鸡的我吃了她整大块炸鸡（她也没有骂我）
她曾经安慰在厕所偷偷里哭泣的我（她平时很酷的）
她曾经因为我怕黑放弃和别人出去然后陪我走路回家
他曾经陪我疯癫的在屋里提灯笼拍照

而她也曾经为了家里许多事情
很凶得骂我
我们也漠视彼此存在长达一年之久
我们曾经隔着一道门
对着电脑荧幕哭泣
我总是会想着到底是什么大误会让我们变成陌路人？
让我们都辛苦

我以为你都不在乎
但是为什么你会哭？
如果你在乎
为什么又要一直伤害我？
为什们不能放下自尊重拾我们的友谊
我好乱。。。

我曾经试过挽回
过程千辛万苦（因为我脸皮超级薄！）
却只换来一个勉强的微笑
她不擅于表达或她选择不说
只爱用糖果或巧克力代表心意
我能感觉到她的心意
可是到最后我却还是挽回不了
我一个人的付出很累
她讨厌我我真的没有办法
有好多时候我不是要讨好而是要让我们之间有话题延续
可是在心目中面对你却是恐惧与不安
现在我连这个机会也没有了

其实
当我在人生低潮的那时候
好想开启门
对门外的你哭述我的难过
可是
到最后
我还是选择一个人喝醉
哭倒在床上

只想告诉你
我一直都把你当作好朋友
不管之间发生了什么事
难过的我会把它忘掉
开心的我会收着
至于你呢
我也不能强求
我会尊重你的决定:)

快乐.伤悲

2010-02-03T01:44:00.002+08:00

快乐来的快

去的也快
悲伤就会接着来
一直这样来回循环
快乐伤悲
只是在于哪个能停留最久
哪个逝得快

也许是我想太多
也许是我太感性
别在爱上了
好吗？

爱很痛

海里的记忆 The memories in the Sea

2010-01-25T16:36:00.006+08:00

Finally, Im here uploading my song that entered to XQRJ Grand Final.
Some of you might heard of this song since a years ago. (U are sure is my besties!)
This song is kinda old.
Haha but it had not presented to outsider before,
as in, this is the first time Im presenting this song
to outsider. :)

Here, I wanna thanks everyone that support me, no matter the support is started since long time ago, or just recently, just wanna thanks everyone who is helping me and guiding me all along my song composing life(especially to my band mate :)). And of course, thanks to the one who gave me the inspiration to write a song, for you.
That means you really hurt me a lot. Ahaha.

Ok enough of craps.
Let's listen to the demo of my song.
Do not hold high expectation on my 0 cost demo...
Im So sorry for the poor demo(Really really poor if compare with other contestants)

hailidejiyi by hiroko_jiayi
****************************************************************

海里的记忆

回忆总是停留在我的脑袋我们曾经的愉快

收起来丢进了大海

再也找不回来

你曾经说过把你忘怀

会有下一个人来满足我的期待

*你的无可取代你为何走开

对你的信任与依赖让我更加受伤害

你的无可取代再也找不到人来期待

温柔与关怀那个人已不再

很多人像你一样对待

却再也不能让我心安依赖

已经没有未来不需要再等待没有人来疼爱

你的自私我明白不会再怪你的离开

你的无可取代你已选择慢慢地走开

再也不能回来只有放手让你离开

其实我从没有释怀我不值得你去爱

****************************************************************
But Im sure...
I will present the BESTEST performance during grand final.
Ya Best of Best. hahaha.
That's my stage.
And Im going to grab any chance that came to me.

Im proud to be the Jiayi-onstage.
Though I always hope that Jiayi-downstage can always SHINE like the one onstage.
Everybody likes her, have many friends, not because of what she got, just because of what she is.
I think I found them. Not many though. But, those who love me because of who I am, I really appreciate it. And I will treasure you. I love u my friends! You know who! hehehe
I love my family as well :D

Are you curious about the story behind the song?
Well there's always long stories behind my song. Hehe.
No secret, It's all public. :)
But I repeated many times already during all kind of interview from XQRJ part...
Ok never mind. For those who don't know about the story, here you go.

That is the time when she first step into her university life,
when she leave her home for the first time and live outside by her own.
She is shy, introvert, and don't even dare to speak to others.

Here is the guy, who became her best friend. Ya. Best of the Best.
Nobody can ever replace his position in her heart.
And they promise that they will stay together forever, best friend forever.
No matter each other already had a lover or had a child.
When the misunderstood cause the guy broke the promise, the friendship gone forever.
The guy leave. When she standing alone at the same place, wanting back the friendship so much.
But she knows, the only thing that she can do is, Let him go from hurting him further.
She never felt that miserable before when she rejected anyone.

He is important.
He is irreplaceable.
And he is forever gone.
The pain is unbearable.

That's how this song came! :)
Well everything is fine now...
No more longing for the past. We should cherish what we have now.
But that's an unchanged fact.
No matter how good u are, there will be no 2nd him in my heart anymore.
As in term of good guy friends.
Or you can do transsexual surgery maybe :P

Pls supppppppport me Nyaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~~ =3

-I rmb when u organized the first birthday party for me during my first year in Uni-
-U gave me a doll u bought at Genting when i said i love dog-
-We spent valentine together by changing frenship chocolate-
-Is me who ask them to throw U into the swimming pool during your exam, sorry to make u get cold :P-
-U climb stair instead of lift to secretly enter girl's apartment to come to tutor my homework although i don't want to study at all LOL-
-U said that my singing voice is nice :)-
-U are with me all the time during my first singing competition-
-I cried when I thought we are going to separate because of different campus-
-U comfort me when I almost burst into tears after get down from roller coaster-
-U stay by my side even when I choose to be with a bad guy-
-U wipe out my tears when I hurt by unhealthy relationship-
-U cry because i hurt u-
-I cry because i hurt u-
-U leave because u are in pain-
-I let u go even I'm in pain-
Friendship between different gender is hard to maintain isn't it?
Well, all the good memories I will keep deep inside in my heart. :)

GG

2010-01-19T19:42:00.003+08:00

How are u going to Cook when u don't know how to eat?
How are u going to Write piano score when u don't know how to Read?

How are u going to create a game when u don't even know how to Play games?!
die die die
Either u do or u die
that means
die die also must do lar
do = 1% of chance to survive
give up = sure die lar!
I don't want to extend lar~~~~~

-having chest pain and indigestion now-
-suffering T.T-

1st time ever Radio Interview on MyFM

2010-01-18T23:00:00.003+08:00

I'm on AIR!
Oh well... I'm still not good at talking...
as usual..
Why am i so nervous lar...
must be confident confident confident... LOL
My voice sound soooooooooo weird!!!!
awful awful awful lar!
have to train :(

this is the recording for those who didn't get to catch the LIVE one...
MMU people, please support me! XD

Listen here

12th XQRJ MY.FM Recording (20100117) by GES

Jym 庄靖毅　he's quite cute one :P

不好意思

2010-01-18T17:24:00.003+08:00

最近又太多“不好”的文章
请不要见怪
只是有时还真的是找不到发泄管道
如果感觉不舒服请跳过

你是否曾经感觉
太多的悲伤压抑在心头
那种感觉不管怎么用力哭还是去处不掉呢？
哭得头痛得快裂了
眼睛快掉出来了
眼泪淹没了世界
痛苦的就快要承受不了
想找寻不健康的管道来发泄呢？

好久好久
第一次躲在妈妈的怀里
大哭一场用力的哭
哭诉这世界的不公平
哭诉全世界没有人了解自己
哭诉从小到大的自卑从来没离开过
哭诉自己的世界永远只有自己一个人

别人总会对我说自己有多么好
自己却永远觉得自己好差劲
不管到了几岁去了哪里都总是被欺负被冷落

自卑感有2种一种是压抑式的一种是爆发式的
我属于前者
不管有多么不满有多么多的意见总是藏在心里不敢说出来
压抑得自己好辛苦
不管在台上表现得多么耀眼在台下仍然是淡淡无光
永远被忽略掉的那个
不管怎么努力台下的自己永远不可能变成台上的自己
总是被抛弃被冷落被遗忘

妈妈要我忘掉悲伤的过去要我忘记那段噩梦要我忘掉伤害过我的人
要怎么原谅？我办不到
在前方都是模糊一片我已找不到我的方向
我的人生到底是不是一场悲剧？

When you

2010-01-16T16:15:00.002+08:00

When you feel like that's no tomorrow
When you feel like don't know how to carry on your life anymore
When you desperate so much for drugs and cigarettes
to numb your nerves so that you can forget everything temporarily
When you cry so hard until your head cracked
the pain never end
When you bang your head so hard to the wall
and hope that the life will be ended after you close your eyes
When you cut on your body and forget about how much you cared about the ugly wound
When you found that nobody understands you and you are all Alone
When you realized that nobody can let you trust and rely on
that's nothing different like you are the only people in this world
When you think of all the methods that can kill you beautifully,
without pain and blood
When you realized that
there's nothing different whether you exist or not in this world

生日快乐 jojo

2010-01-12T12:15:00.003+08:00

今天是jojo的生日
日子是我们为它定的因为它是指流浪狗
这个日期是在7年前来到我们家的日子
他离开已经2年了吧。。。
2003年1月他来了
2008年6月他离开了
我也不知道有没有记错日期
我还为他写了首歌
2年了一直到现在还没完成
想起你的时候还是会忍不住掉下眼泪
你在天堂过得好吗？投胎了吗？
有遇到Sushi吗？那可爱的小家伙比你还短命。。。
才一岁就去天堂找你了。。。
投胎时不要在做狗了哦

想你。。。

我真的很想救你。。。那可恶的兽医误诊害你送了命
我却没能用自己的能力。
我好恨我自己
在你生病到离开的那段时间我每天早上都很还怕起来看不见你
你好痛苦也很勇敢的成了一个星期
虽然我还是很自私得不想让你走
可是我最后还是得放手再见 jojo...

你这个小鬼太没用了怎么可以撑了3天就离开呢
你就不能等到我会来看你最后一面吗
可恶的寿司我想念你可爱俏皮撒娇的样子

Where do I belong?

2010-01-09T17:27:00.004+08:00

One more week I need to go back to that deserted place.
A Quiet place covered with loneliness, emoness, coldness and darkness...
A whole without humanity.
or Should I said that world just not belongs to me.
I just have to endure for half more year.

University definitely the worst life I have ever had.
Far more worsen than my Primary school life,
while I don't understand the taste of loneliness and zero-existence.
Other than that, University life taught me a lot of things.
I've learned a lot of lessons. A lot.
And I still have so many unsolved question in my mind, which make my life uneasy.
Who knows this challenge will lead me to which way?
A positive one, or a negative one.
Probably, the second one.
If I'm still the unchanged me.

Well.
The current situation not that good too.
Not much better than the deserted place.
The place that full of noise pollution.
Get me annoyed every moment.
Often, the scene of dragging my luggage and leave the place appeared on my mind.
Well, I know I got no place to go.
The place that carried my faith and trust, is GONE.
The cause of the pollution of the place is
my immature siblings.
I'm not afraid to say out loud.
They are getting childish and rebellious as they grown up.

One with excellent academic result and great achievement in every aspect
failed to understand her parents' hearts.
When they just want her to help up with easy task and lessen the family burden
and show up some nice attitude and be considerate towards the people that raise her up.
Is that hard?

I don't care if u disrespect me every time.
I don't care when u just be good to me when u feel like to do so.
I don't care that u act arrogant when I BEG for your help when I found that u are my last solution. (even outsider is more helpful than my own sister)
You maybe despise me and feeling shameful to have a sister that are not smarter than u.

But
could you just do me a favor?
Be nice to the old folk.
You don't know how heartache they are when you talk back and be rude to them.
Stop being stubborn and be considerate to those who are good to you.
Not the outsider, but your family.
All they did is for your own good, and what will they get by fetching you here and there during their busy time in order to get your so called GOOD ACHIEVEMENT?
Do u think all your achievement own by u alone?
Who pay for the tuition fee, who spent the time to go with your tight schedule, who spent their sleeping time and rest time to fetch you up and down?

Just be gentle and patience to them, is that so hard for you?
You got no right to be cold and throw tantrum because of your bad emotion.
Stop chasing for the sh*tty and useless achievement.
Why don't u think how to earn a praise or save a scolding from them every day?

Be fair to everybody.
Nobody will be proud of you being hardworking
when u locked yourself in your room and doing your homework
while others are busy doing house chore to clean up the house.
We do for public, you did for private.
Is that fair? Think.

At the one last day, u will know, what's the most important thing to u.
U can bring the cert and those glamorous achievement into your grave if you want.

************************************************************************************
Another one, she used to be a cute girl.
A generous and sweet little girl although she likes to cry a lot.
I don't know what's the reason that made her change.
As she grows up, she is now a very bad temper, petty and rude girl.
She is calculative in every single thing.
Every time we asking for her, she seldom response.
Continue her thing until my parents yell at her, only she do it unwillingly.
She used to be very helpful! as the youngest child.
And now she got very bad temper and throw tantrum at small things.
When you ask a favor from others, how could you treat them in that way?
If they can't fulfill your request then throw tantrum like a crazy person?
Stop staring at people, that's really rude. And your action upsets everybody.
How old are you?
U even dare to talk bad and shout at the elders?
Hey, u just get your IC! U can't even take care and feed your own self.
How dare you shout at me: None of your business, why should I(do this and that)? when I try to talk to you.
Everything I told u is for your own good.
Who helps you whenever u need any help, when u can't get what u want from parents?
U tend to be forgetful har?

********************************************************************************

Totally disappointed in u.
Who causes the mess at home?
Sick of the scolding and screaming at home everyday.
I thought home is peace.
Parents changed. to a better one. Not you.
Well you maybe got lots of complaint about me as well.
I just did this for my lovely parents.
They tend to be very strict to me though.
But I swear, I never disrespect them no matter how they treat me.
At least they are fair to me.
Not like those people from the outside world.
Those who treat me as a WEIRDO.
I just hope they can have a good life when they are getting old.
I am doing my best, but the power of me ONLY is not enough.
right?

Eventhough I got so much dissatisfaction, the moment with you is the best.
I can be natural and comfortable all the time.
U know me best. But u didn't treat me your best.
I didn't mean to start a fight. Just want to express what I feel.

Cause, that's no where I belong.
Heaven, perhaps?
Perhaps there're no space for me as well.

XQRJ 心情溶剂新马中文词曲创作比赛 Vote for me!

2010-01-05T11:28:00.002+08:00

Sign Up and vote for me @ http://www.mediaecho.com.sg/xqrj_vote.php?xqrjID=0dcb

司徒佳宜See Toh Jiayi, 30 seconds preview version, Come to our Grand Final
(Feb1st@Republic Poly Culture Centre) and support Jiayi! ticketing info
@ http://xqrj.com

Thank u!!!! :D

Please give some comments also :D

Firefox

2009-12-21T22:33:00.004+08:00

tell me this is normal
:D

untitled

2009-12-21T19:17:00.003+08:00

When I hear the birds start singing
I wanna see you
When I see the leaves start fallin
I wanna see you
The only thing I'll do
Don't you know
Is to rush and run to you

When I hear the clock start ticking
I start to miss you
The only thing I'll do
Is gonna dream of you

Wanna stay by your side
You are my everything
You are my only link
To the angel's wings
Talk about love and
I can't stop thinking of you
Such a crazy thing
Like snow fallin' in spring

One morning I woke up
I felt as if I suddenly
just couldn't see
Little girl inside of me.

So I pretend to smile again
it's not that easy
everytime I see myself I just can't breathe

On a rainy day you walk along my side
and brushed the raindrops from my eyes and then
you asked me if I'd be alright
Never thought I'd ever feel the sunlight shining through my wintery sky
Hold me tight baby hold me tight, won't you dim the lights.

I want to sing my love songs to you
Let me hold you
I can't stop thinking about you
Please baby please tell me that you love me

I don't wanna cry no more but am I brave enough?
To Face the pain and fear he left behind from me
I've been deeply hurt before with all me wounds he gave me
It's killing me
only if you see

Loving you the sound of burning cigarettes
Falling ashes on my lonely bed
I told you I can't live without you
Let me love you
I won't regret
For all the times we've been through

I tried to stay away
I tried to give you space
I could't help myself
I only wanted to help
You pushed my arms away
Then one day

You walked another way
A place I couldn't stay
My compass fell apart
I don't know where to start
To keep this from tearing up

Please take me back in time with you
To a time when you were true
Visit all seven wonders
There won't be another
To keep me satisfied
If I can fall back into you
There is nothing I can't do
If I'm under the weather
We talk, I feel better
At least I knew I had
Someone who cared
Somebody baby

ふたり　二人

2009-12-19T14:16:00.003+08:00

两个人
是如何在一起的？
冥冥中注定的？

人一生下来本来就是一个人的
是不是打从你出生在这个世界
神就安排你的人生会出现谁
又会跟哪个特别的人度过特别的日子
过着2个人的世界

看到了身边的朋友
一对一对的
有些是分分合合搞暧昧
有些是分开了马上又有新的伴侣

2个人到底是如何相遇如何在一起的
突然有好多问号
为什么对别人看似好简单的
对我却这么辛苦

人家过一过就在一起三年
我这么辛苦地付出
却最多只能捱到三个月
好悲哀
哈哈

在爱情里
付出和回报永远不会平等

我的路比别人的难走
也许就是神要挑战我
让我遇到不好的
才会发现更好的
是这样吗？

说到不好
其实我遇到的都是好人
他们没骗我
至少在一起的时候是这样
只是因为好多因素 2个人最终也还是会变回1个人

也许是我对爱情太苛刻？
感觉对了却被其他的因素阻挠
就算全都对了没有感觉什么也不可能改变

倔强的个性爱上的都是浪子
缺少了能让浪子回头的因子
到最后总是弄得满身伤
就算再来一次也会为爱不顾一切往前冲的笨蛋
典型的双鱼座
却不会因为缺乏爱而随便的爱上某个人
所以到现在还是一个人

一个人几时才能变成2个人

*你有没有发现
在特别的日子里突然出现了特别的人
就算只是简单的说说话
那一天
你永远都不会忘记*

对别人看似简单的事情
却只在我20年的人生里发生一次

味道

2009-12-19T11:17:00.002+08:00

~想念你的笑

想念你的外套

想念你白色袜子

和身上的味道

我想念你的吻

和手指淡淡烟草味道

记忆中曾被爱的味道~

有没有一首歌
就算过了好久好久
听起来
还是那么有感觉
那么有味道

什么时候
我能写出让别人感同身受的歌
让别人听了念念不忘非常有感触的歌
有的话要告诉我哦

比赛
明年二月
加油了

~我以为伤心可以很少

我以为我能过的很好

谁知道一想你

思念苦无药

无处可逃~

good news bad news

2009-12-18T17:54:00.005+08:00

累到

很讨厌思考拉

我的脑真的很懒

更何况现在是考试的巅峰期咧！

sei lor...

每次好消息都会带来麻烦

果然追梦不是普通的容易

还是就乖乖坐着什么都不作然后在家里发梦？
会不会比较容易

好多话想说好多事想做
却身不由己

好累好累

想你想得好累

The story of

2009-12-16T21:54:00.002+08:00

to be continued...

烟

2009-11-24T21:34:00.004+08:00

没有人不知道我讨厌烟。。。
可是
其实我讨厌的是二手烟

曾经听吸烟的朋友说过
抽烟的味道
就好像吃着薄荷糖
凉凉得很舒服
根本不像二手烟那么臭

烟
能麻痹神经
能提神
能解愁
就像强效巧克力一样
能让你感到兴奋开心
让你排解寂寞忧愁

如果我从巧克力进阶到抽烟
会有怎样的后果？

别人会不开心
可是也许我会开心

如果当初单纯的我
被骗去吸烟的话
现在应该会是烟瘾最重的那个吧？

幻想一下
寂寞的时候抽抽一下
可以省些眼泪
多些笑容
吹着烟好像吹着泡泡般吹出各种形状好可爱
何乐而不为？

寂寞的夜晚烟也许是我最好的朋友

。。。

2009-11-24T20:45:00.004+08:00

全世界都讨厌我

哭累了
好想睡了
可是还要读书
有考试呢
算了

Green eyes monster...

2009-11-21T17:00:00.008+08:00

WAH~ i had become green eyes monster! This is what my sisters called me.
I bought this pair of green contact lense from Sg Wang if I not remembered wrongly.

It is a new brand called IEnhancer.
It is the only brand that come with enlargement function and variety of colors.
And it is monthly use.(Most of the color contact lense for 3 months)
The material is better than the Grey Geo Lens that i bought online last time.
At least it won't feel "plastic".
It still feel soft like normal contact lense.
Forget to mention about the price, I bought it at rm50 ^^
Sadly, their choice only include those with black ring (outside the pupil).
I want those with nudy circle(Angel Series from GeoLens).
Like below: XD

The effect is just awesome.

It seems like I finally know to apply eyeliner properly.
At least this time, my eyes won't be smaller after i apply it.

First I have to draft out the line with eyeliner gel(Mugu) before I apply the liquid eyeliner(Monplay).
Those normal Eyeliner pencil and gel smudge easily on my eyes.
That's why, as a beginner of eyeliner user, I have to force myself to learn how to apply liquid eyeliner.
Mugu's eyeliner gel is easy to apply, but the color is not black enough and still smudge on my eyes.
Thats why i have to cover it with liquid eyeliner.
Both of the liquid eyeliner and eyeliner gel I bought it online.
Cheap and good. :)

Yea! New bag, finally.
The bag is big and shiny!
Blink blink, it's so ME. haha
Love it.
And the price oso make u, WOW!

New member! Dong Dong is coming!咚咚驾到！

2009-11-21T15:50:00.005+08:00

咚咚咚呛！咚咚咚呛！
咚咚驾到！

名字：咚咚
年龄：不足两个月
性别：男
个性：爱玩，胆小，粘人，爱撒娇，爱咬东西，不爱睡，很会吃
魅力：无辜的眼神

Dong Dong, Less than 2 months old, boy boy.
Timid, Manja.
Don't like to sleep.
Love to play, Love to bite, Love to eat.
He just looks simply innocent and cute!

So mysterious...

DA LANG! It's me!

Want to interview me? Don't want lar... I'm Shy ...

Interview also need to stand up?? So mafan one?

Ok lar... let u take a picture. One ONLY!

Oops... 狗有三急．．．
Jiayi: See what you did?

Jiayi: Stop looking around. I am saying you, You!
Dongdong: Lolx... sorry lor...

naughty dong dong ...
:D

不要敷衍我

2009-11-21T15:32:00.002+08:00

不想跟我讲话就不要讲
不想陪我就不用陪
不想去就别去

不要敷衍我！

臭人！

要如何学着原谅
原谅又需要多大的勇气
原谅还需要能够包容的心
恨一个人　并不容易
原谅一个人　更加艰难
还会恨　代表还有感情
对于你　我想原谅　我不想再恨　因为不想再对你有感情
对于你　我想原谅　我不想再恨　因为我还想爱你

What's the point?

2009-11-15T18:18:00.002+08:00

What's the point of going back?
When I can't even get a quiet moment at there.

I hate everyone. Every single one.
In that house.
Don't ask me to smile.
Don't ask me to be happy.
When u are the one who bring me sadness, despair and hopelessness
Continuosly...

I don't want to put on a gloomy face in front of u.
I always have a reason for being unhappy.
But why can't you understand?

No time for me, no money for me.
No food, no car, no freedom, no nice bed, no respect, no harmonization.
Nothing!
It's like the life in hell...

So what's the point of going back?
Damn it.

半桶水

2009-11-08T22:42:00.002+08:00

我不笨
可是不够人家聪明

我不丑
可是不够人家漂亮

我不矮
可是就不到指定高度

我不是很肥
可是却不瘦

我不是不会唱歌
却又不够人家厉害

我声音不难听
音色却不美

不是不会跳舞
却不够人家厉害

不是不会画画
却只会画美少女战士

不是。。。
却。。。

是不是都是半桶水？全部加起来也不够一桶。
“你觉得你比别人哪里强？”
从以前开始，interview/audition 都会问的问题．
我从来没有办法答出来．
你能告诉我答案吗？

我不是ｅｍｏ．．．
我只是有时候会想太多，钻牛角尖而已。。。
呵呵。

咚咚，不要ｅｍｏ．．．Smile :D

我不想要一个人

2009-11-04T22:38:00.001+08:00

一个人的夜里
好可怕
为什么总是被噩梦纠缠。。。

为什么
我还是不能一个人承担
为什么
没有人能让我依靠
难道再也不能相信谁了吗？

我好想念
从前的日子
有朋友有家人
因为相信才会幸福

无助
无力
该睡了
希望噩梦不要再来纠缠
明天醒来
希望是带着微笑的

Back to School life

2009-11-02T19:54:00.013+08:00

Here start my new semester!
The last 2 sem before my graduation...
Wow... It's fast isn't it?
I've been studying in Money Making University for 3 years! hahaha

How's my school life?
As usual, It's just So-so.

This sem I decided to work very hard on my academic and learn to lead a healthy life!
It's not guaratee of course.
Or should I say, usually i fail to do so. :(

This sem I'm taking Computer Graphic.
A very dangerous subject(to me) and it's an elective subject.
Which means, I'm not compulsory to take this subject
as I can choose other theoretical subjects from the list,
which is safe to me(I'm better in theory instead of practical, especially programming)
But this time, I'm gonna challenge myself!
With mission impossible!
Well, I hate programming.
A lot, A Lot.
But i love graphic.
Let's see how am I going to adapt the 3D environment...
God bless me.
Please don't let this subject fail me.
Jiayi, Be confident! and work hard also ... :P

Let's back to school life.
I've been slacking too much...
sleep eat sleep eat sleep eat... XD

Back to high school series! =D

If only MMU approve this kind of attire...
Nah, only the attire below is ALLOWED in MMU.
Sien ~.~
Long pants is freaking annoying...

Cow cow series... So cute :D
I mean the Top lar...

Random Casual Series

My collection of Clinchers!

I never realised that I've bought so many clinchers...
Most of them are left in the wardrobe, unused ...
Because I don't have the top to match them LOL
(Then buy so many for what?! answer: because it's cute? XD)
Thinking of selling some of them to get back some cash ><

The Long T I have hunted during Jusco Sale! Damn cheap. Guess what's the price? hehehe...

I never like Blue.
Just recently I had fall in love with Bright Color.
Yea, I want my life Fill up with COLORS ^^
This bright blue Long T attracted my eyeballs among the crowd of clothes.
The brand is Harajuku. That's why it's kinda Japanese look...
but mummy and my sister give me a comment which is very ... =.=
what they said:
"你好像站在马路边那些..."
If you get what I mean... >.<

This is so NOT me... And kinda scary. LOL!
just upload for fun. For you to see a different me. LOL! XD

This is natural me! Without eyebrow ... hahahaha

*End of post* Wee.. ^^

追星篇之李民浩 Lee Min Ho in the House~/ SS501

2009-10-30T16:00:00.005+08:00

本小姐的第一次追星经验
结论是
很好玩，很累
很热，很危险
LOL

Lee Min Ho,
cast as the leader of F4, Goo Jun Pyo in Boys Over Flowers,
A new face for Korean famous cosmetic brand Etude House,
is having his promotion tour for Etude house...

Date: 25th Oct 09
Location: Sungai Wang

By the time I reached, is around 3++pm...
There is already a huge crowd in front of the stage.
Well Lee Min Ho is supposed to appear at 6pm sharp.
It's not possible for me to standing there and squeezing with crowd for 3 hours ... alone.
LOL

6pm, Lee Min Ho appeared punctually! But , I can't see him!!!!
Ish... thousand of people blocking my view...!
Now i hope i can grow 2 inches taller @.@
damn... I only can get a few glances of him...

Don't need to mention about my poor camera...
blur blur blur! ahhh~~~

People everywhere... screaming and shouting... wow
I can't even get a place to squeeze myself in...
Serve your right lar, who ask you to go walk walk until last minute...
Some of the fans queued in front of the stage since morning!
Crazy! I admit defeat ... LOL
I'm not that crazy, yet.

But for sure, he is stunning and cute!
And tall, especially when standing among shorties malaysian XD
又腼腆。Perfect type! XD

He smile all the way during the show.
Yea, All the way!

His smile is worth to die for ... LOL
for his crazy fans lar...

He only appear for 5 mins before he return to back stage.
And when the time he came out again, is autograph session.
Yes, I joined the crowd.
Risking my own life!
Yea, It's dangerous.
VERY!
The girls push here and there...
Screaming here and there...
That's what i heard during the queue for the autograph
"Oppa, Oppa Look here!"
"Oppa Oppa Sarangheyo!"
"Uncle, You're so suave, Please let us go in first!"
"Lee Min Ho, Why are you so famous? If you arent, I won't end up at here"
LOL
So funny until I can't stop laughing...

It's HOT @.@
I try so hard to balance myself in the crowd.
I might get kill if i slip and fall. LOL!
I was squeezing in the crowd for half hour...
before the people in charge announce the end of autograph session.
Disappointed but...
Run first!
before the crowd starts to dismiss...

Phew, I'm safe. :D
No signature. Full of sweat. LOL
never mind lar.
Cool experience anyway.
My parents will give me 2 word: “傻婆”
没关系，我甘愿咯。
至少我没有学别人跟他入住同一间酒店，跟踪24小时咯。
不得空拉！哈哈

Don't be disappointed for my poor quality pictures...
Here you go with nice nice pictures!

Taken from Lisa's blog.

Oops I forgot about my Yoon Ji Hoo senbei~
Another cute guy from BOF...
The leader of SS501!
Here are some fav songs of mine from them! Enjoy^^

Find- SS501
So sad... The violin sounds so beautiful...

Because I'm Stupid
Theme song of BOF

Dejavu
SS501 w Cool dance
Kakkoi!

Ur Man
Although it's just triple S, still cool!

funny show 谢谢你叫醒我 series...
Funny way to wake up SS501
It's hilarious...
Sleeping　King Hyun Joong Oppa still looks suave with his sleepy face
The youngest Hyung Joon Looks so cute and innocent lar ... *LOVE*

I need to pick up my korean langauage asap ...
but the pronunciation is hard enough
needless to mention about the triangle square circle korean character @.@
ohohoho
Recently i have learn a new korean word
Pabo!
means ~fool~
ngek

Happy day to everyone,Pabo! ^^

ღThe Sleeping Pianist ღ

Late Xmas Post

女の、あの人/ 女人。那个人

I'm Employed!

I want to BLOG!!!!

Long Way Home @ I wanna see HOPE

David Garette Private Showcase in Singapore!

My Recent Life : Oct 11 Updates(Outdoor shooting photos!)

Old Leaf Taste Nicer

❤ Heaven of Puff ❤ Puff Garden, Mount Austin

我难过的时候会做什么？

WAF Camp "Be In" , EL Sanctuary Melaka.

♥Kiss me Heroine Make Series♥

†I'm Reborn.The Baptism.†

New Restaurant & Cafe in Johor Jaya!

♥7 July 2011♥ The story of Chicken Little

Cough Medicine

Make Up review/Fashion Diary/Outing. Tired post =.=

Love me? Hate me?

New Blog Title, New me

The bitches are so GANAS

Converse Warehouse Sale

集点换购活动 Gift Redemption Programme

Wear pretty without costing a bomb, sales item!

The Toast

Rio 2011

Rainy May

Randomz March

我的人生， I believe I can.

2011 Wish List =Full of ♥♥♥=

Shopaholic's Diary: KSL City Shopping Mall

Could you be more helpful?

I cookED! Lolx

Interesting blogger

Rainbow 彩虹

Super Barbie Nudy Series

磨石子

优种男人

The CURSE

我讨厌你

I ♥ SubZero

It's not that easy 没那么简单

I just can't let u go

如果 IF ... *Photo: AmberChia Workshop*

算了吧

我寂寞寂寞就好了

幸福指数

喜欢你sukidayo

hesitate 犹豫

你根本没有在听

低潮期

特别

Funny fact

抚平

头号危险人物！

做么一定要两个人？

给曾经最好的朋友

也许

日记一则

Destiny

过去的

Strong

保护自己

Japanese Cultural Night 09/10 Video

Japanese Cultural Night 09/10

Is me? Not me

停止.前进

Empty promise

It's just 3 days Official Video

SAVE the DOGSSS~~~~~~~~

我爱他

It's been a year

有个人能让你笑 却不能陪你哭

失去

Wish List ~updated~

Snail...

快乐.伤悲

海里的记忆 The memories in the Sea

GG

1st time ever Radio Interview on MyFM

女の、あの人/　女人。那个人

如果 IF ... Photo: AmberChia Workshop

有个人能让你笑却不能陪你哭

XQRJ 心情溶剂新马中文词曲创作比赛 Vote for me!

ふたり　二人