Thursday, March 18, 2010

Is me? Not me

Have you ever experience that,
when u are sitting in the lab, mind blanks,
have totally no idea what to do for the next step
Staring at the computer, looking at the peoples around you busy finding for the solution
While you don't even know what's the question asking about.

I'm not a smart person.
But I'm not dumb as well.
But indeed currently I look dumb in front of the codes.
How did i feel?
Insulted? Humiliated? Hurt? Losing my pride?

There are all kinds of stuffs that I never met before I enter my University life
Now i met it.
Overcome it?
Not necessary.
I have been treated like a fool or dumbass ever since I am taking this subject.
Regret or not, doesn't matter anymore.
This kind of life is going to come to an end.
4 years of humiliation that lead me to low self-esteem
Terrible right?

I know I'm good at somewhere else.
Actually I think that I can do well in anything other than programming.
Why did I choose it then?
That's a long long story that I don't wish to recall.
Anyway it's going to end soon.
Hopefully I won't face the same problem when I'm out there earning a living.
Oh god. No IT job!

I wanna get back the Real me
The one who is confident with who she is
the one who is satisfied with what she owned
the one who is happy with what she's been doing

Add on:
Oh well.
I actually feel so much better when I am doing my band practice, catwalk practice, sing and dance stuffs...
The difference is just like Heaven and Hell!
Oh my god.
That's the place where I feel confident and satisfied.
Tired but happy.
That's what I want to be.
God, will you lead me to the way that I wished for? :)

Actually, I think I'm pretty good. :D

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