Saturday, January 9, 2010

Where do I belong?

One more week I need to go back to that deserted place.
A Quiet place covered with loneliness, emoness, coldness and darkness...
A whole without humanity.
or Should I said that world just not belongs to me.
I just have to endure for half more year.

University definitely the worst life I have ever had.
Far more worsen than my Primary school life,
while I don't understand the taste of loneliness and zero-existence.
Other than that, University life taught me a lot of things.
I've learned a lot of lessons. A lot.
And I still have so many unsolved question in my mind, which make my life uneasy.
Who knows this challenge will lead me to which way?
A positive one, or a negative one.
Probably, the second one.
If I'm still the unchanged me.

The current situation not that good too.
Not much better than the deserted place.
The place that full of noise pollution.
Get me annoyed every moment.
Often, the scene of dragging my luggage and leave the place appeared on my mind.
Well, I know I got no place to go.
The place that carried my faith and trust, is GONE.
The cause of the pollution of the place is
my immature siblings.
I'm not afraid to say out loud.
They are getting childish and rebellious as they grown up.

One with excellent academic result and great achievement in every aspect
failed to understand her parents' hearts.
When they just want her to help up with easy task and lessen the family burden
and show up some nice attitude and be considerate towards the people that raise her up.
Is that hard?

I don't care if u disrespect me every time.
I don't care when u just be good to me when u feel like to do so.
I don't care that u act arrogant when I BEG for your help when I found that u are my last solution. (even outsider is more helpful than my own sister)
You maybe despise me and feeling shameful to have a sister that are not smarter than u.

could you just do me a favor?
Be nice to the old folk.
You don't know how heartache they are when you talk back and be rude to them.
Stop being stubborn and be considerate to those who are good to you.
Not the outsider, but your family.
All they did is for your own good, and what will they get by fetching you here and there during their busy time in order to get your so called GOOD ACHIEVEMENT?
Do u think all your achievement own by u alone?
Who pay for the tuition fee, who spent the time to go with your tight schedule, who spent their sleeping time and rest time to fetch you up and down?

Just be gentle and patience to them, is that so hard for you?
You got no right to be cold and throw tantrum because of your bad emotion.
Stop chasing for the sh*tty and useless achievement.
Why don't u think how to earn a praise or save a scolding from them every day?

Be fair to everybody.
Nobody will be proud of you being hardworking
when u locked yourself in your room and doing your homework
while others are busy doing house chore to clean up the house.
We do for public, you did for private.
Is that fair? Think.

At the one last day, u will know, what's the most important thing to u.
U can bring the cert and those glamorous achievement into your grave if you want.

Another one, she used to be a cute girl.
A generous and sweet little girl although she likes to cry a lot.
I don't know what's the reason that made her change.
As she grows up, she is now a very bad temper, petty and rude girl.
She is calculative in every single thing.
Every time we asking for her, she seldom response.
Continue her thing until my parents yell at her, only she do it unwillingly.
She used to be very helpful! as the youngest child.
And now she got very bad temper and throw tantrum at small things.
When you ask a favor from others, how could you treat them in that way?
If they can't fulfill your request then throw tantrum like a crazy person?
Stop staring at people, that's really rude. And your action upsets everybody.
How old are you?
U even dare to talk bad and shout at the elders?
Hey, u just get your IC! U can't even take care and feed your own self.
How dare you shout at me: None of your business, why should I(do this and that)? when I try to talk to you.
Everything I told u is for your own good.
Who helps you whenever u need any help, when u can't get what u want from parents?
U tend to be forgetful har?

Totally disappointed in u.
Who causes the mess at home?
Sick of the scolding and screaming at home everyday.
I thought home is peace.
Parents changed. to a better one. Not you.
Well you maybe got lots of complaint about me as well.
I just did this for my lovely parents.
They tend to be very strict to me though.
But I swear, I never disrespect them no matter how they treat me.
At least they are fair to me.
Not like those people from the outside world.
Those who treat me as a WEIRDO.
I just hope they can have a good life when they are getting old.
I am doing my best, but the power of me ONLY is not enough.

Eventhough I got so much dissatisfaction, the moment with you is the best.
I can be natural and comfortable all the time.
U know me best. But u didn't treat me your best.
I didn't mean to start a fight. Just want to express what I feel.

Cause, that's no where I belong.
Heaven, perhaps?
Perhaps there're no space for me as well.

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