Monday, January 25, 2010

海里的记忆 The memories in the Sea

Finally, Im here uploading my song that entered to XQRJ Grand Final.
Some of you might heard of this song since a years ago. (U are sure is my besties!)
This song is kinda old.
Haha but it had not presented to outsider before,
as in, this is the first time Im presenting this song
to outsider. :)

Here, I wanna thanks everyone that support me, no matter the support is started since long time ago, or just recently, just wanna thanks everyone who is helping me and guiding me all along my song composing life(especially to my band mate :)). And of course, thanks to the one who gave me the inspiration to write a song, for you.
That means you really hurt me a lot. Ahaha.

Ok enough of craps.
Let's listen to the demo of my song.
Do not hold high expectation on my 0 cost demo...
Im So sorry for the poor demo(Really really poor if compare with other contestants)

hailidejiyi by hiroko_jiayi


回忆总是停留在我的脑袋 我们曾经的愉快

收起来 丢进了 大海




*你的无可取代 你为何走开

对你的信任与依赖 让我更加受伤害

你的无可取代 再也找不到人来期待

温柔与关怀 那个人已不再



已经没有未来 不需要再等待 没有人来疼爱

你的自私我明白 不会再怪你的离开

你的无可取代 你已选择慢慢地走开

再也不能回来 只有放手让你离开

其实我从没有释怀 我不值得你去爱

But Im sure...
I will present the BESTEST performance during grand final.
Ya Best of Best. hahaha.
That's my stage.
And Im going to grab any chance that came to me.

Im proud to be the Jiayi-onstage.
Though I always hope that Jiayi-downstage can always SHINE like the one onstage.
Everybody likes her, have many friends, not because of what she got, just because of what she is.
I think I found them. Not many though. But, those who love me because of who I am, I really appreciate it. And I will treasure you. I love u my friends! You know who! hehehe
I love my family as well :D

Are you curious about the story behind the song?
Well there's always long stories behind my song. Hehe.
No secret, It's all public. :)
But I repeated many times already during all kind of interview from XQRJ part...
Ok never mind. For those who don't know about the story, here you go.

That is the time when she first step into her university life,
when she leave her home for the first time and live outside by her own.
She is shy, introvert, and don't even dare to speak to others.

Here is the guy, who became her best friend. Ya. Best of the Best.
Nobody can ever replace his position in her heart.
And they promise that they will stay together forever, best friend forever.
No matter each other already had a lover or had a child.
When the misunderstood cause the guy broke the promise, the friendship gone forever.
The guy leave. When she standing alone at the same place, wanting back the friendship so much.
But she knows, the only thing that she can do is, Let him go from hurting him further.
She never felt that miserable before when she rejected anyone.

He is important.
He is irreplaceable.
And he is forever gone.
The pain is unbearable.

That's how this song came! :)
Well everything is fine now...
No more longing for the past. We should cherish what we have now.
But that's an unchanged fact.
No matter how good u are, there will be no 2nd him in my heart anymore.
As in term of good guy friends.
Or you can do transsexual surgery maybe :P

Pls supppppppport me Nyaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~~ =3

-I rmb when u organized the first birthday party for me during my first year in Uni-
-U gave me a doll u bought at Genting when i said i love dog-
-We spent valentine together by changing frenship chocolate-
-Is me who ask them to throw U into the swimming pool during your exam, sorry to make u get cold :P-
-U climb stair instead of lift to secretly enter girl's apartment to come to tutor my homework although i don't want to study at all LOL-
-U said that my singing voice is nice :)-
-U are with me all the time during my first singing competition-
-I cried when I thought we are going to separate because of different campus-
-U comfort me when I almost burst into tears after get down from roller coaster-
-U stay by my side even when I choose to be with a bad guy-
-U wipe out my tears when I hurt by unhealthy relationship-
-U cry because i hurt u-
-I cry because i hurt u-
-U leave because u are in pain-
-I let u go even I'm in pain-
Friendship between different gender is hard to maintain isn't it?
Well, all the good memories I will keep deep inside in my heart. :)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


How are u going to Cook when u don't know how to eat?
How are u going to Write piano score when u don't know how to Read?

How are u going to create a game when u don't even know how to Play games?!
die die die
Either u do or u die
that means
die die also must do lar
do = 1% of chance to survive
give up = sure die lar!
I don't want to extend lar~~~~~

-having chest pain and indigestion now-
-suffering T.T-

Monday, January 18, 2010

1st time ever Radio Interview on MyFM

I'm on AIR!
Oh well... I'm still not good at talking...
as usual..
Why am i so nervous lar...
must be confident confident confident... LOL
My voice sound soooooooooo weird!!!!
awful awful awful lar!
have to train :(

this is the recording for those who didn't get to catch the LIVE one...
MMU people, please support me! XD

Listen here

12th XQRJ MY.FM Recording (20100117) by GES

Jym 庄靖毅 he's quite cute one :P


只是 有时还真的是找不到发泄管道
如果感觉不舒服 请跳过


大哭一场 用力的哭
哭诉从小到大的自卑 从来没离开过

别人总会对我说 自己有多么好
不管到了几岁 去了哪里 都总是被欺负 被冷落

自卑感有2种 一种是压抑式的 一种是爆发式的
不管有多么不满 有多么多的意见 总是藏在心里 不敢说出来
不管在台上表现得多么耀眼 在台下仍然是淡淡无光
不管怎么努力 台下的自己永远不可能变成台上的自己

妈妈要我忘掉悲伤的过去 要我忘记那段噩梦 要我忘掉伤害过我的人
在前方 都是模糊一片 我已找不到我的方向
我的人生 到底是不是一场悲剧?

Saturday, January 16, 2010

When you

When you feel like that's no tomorrow
When you feel like don't know how to carry on your life anymore
When you desperate so much for drugs and cigarettes
to numb your nerves so that you can forget everything temporarily
When you cry so hard until your head cracked
the pain never end
When you bang your head so hard to the wall
and hope that the life will be ended after you close your eyes
When you cut on your body and forget about how much you cared about the ugly wound
When you found that nobody understands you and you are all Alone
When you realized that nobody can let you trust and rely on
that's nothing different like you are the only people in this world
When you think of all the methods that can kill you beautifully,
without pain and blood
When you realized that
there's nothing different whether you exist or not in this world

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

生日快乐 jojo

日子是我们为它定的 因为它是指流浪狗
这个日期是 在7年前来到我们家的日子
2年了 一直到现在还没完成
想起你的时候 还是会忍不住掉下眼泪
投胎时 不要在做狗了哦


在你生病到离开的那段时间 我每天早上都很还怕起来看不见你
你好痛苦 也很勇敢的成了一个星期
可是 我最后还是得放手 再见 jojo...

你这个小鬼 太没用了 怎么可以撑了3天就离开呢
可恶的寿司 我想念你可爱俏皮撒娇的样子

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Where do I belong?

One more week I need to go back to that deserted place.
A Quiet place covered with loneliness, emoness, coldness and darkness...
A whole without humanity.
or Should I said that world just not belongs to me.
I just have to endure for half more year.

University definitely the worst life I have ever had.
Far more worsen than my Primary school life,
while I don't understand the taste of loneliness and zero-existence.
Other than that, University life taught me a lot of things.
I've learned a lot of lessons. A lot.
And I still have so many unsolved question in my mind, which make my life uneasy.
Who knows this challenge will lead me to which way?
A positive one, or a negative one.
Probably, the second one.
If I'm still the unchanged me.

The current situation not that good too.
Not much better than the deserted place.
The place that full of noise pollution.
Get me annoyed every moment.
Often, the scene of dragging my luggage and leave the place appeared on my mind.
Well, I know I got no place to go.
The place that carried my faith and trust, is GONE.
The cause of the pollution of the place is
my immature siblings.
I'm not afraid to say out loud.
They are getting childish and rebellious as they grown up.

One with excellent academic result and great achievement in every aspect
failed to understand her parents' hearts.
When they just want her to help up with easy task and lessen the family burden
and show up some nice attitude and be considerate towards the people that raise her up.
Is that hard?

I don't care if u disrespect me every time.
I don't care when u just be good to me when u feel like to do so.
I don't care that u act arrogant when I BEG for your help when I found that u are my last solution. (even outsider is more helpful than my own sister)
You maybe despise me and feeling shameful to have a sister that are not smarter than u.

could you just do me a favor?
Be nice to the old folk.
You don't know how heartache they are when you talk back and be rude to them.
Stop being stubborn and be considerate to those who are good to you.
Not the outsider, but your family.
All they did is for your own good, and what will they get by fetching you here and there during their busy time in order to get your so called GOOD ACHIEVEMENT?
Do u think all your achievement own by u alone?
Who pay for the tuition fee, who spent the time to go with your tight schedule, who spent their sleeping time and rest time to fetch you up and down?

Just be gentle and patience to them, is that so hard for you?
You got no right to be cold and throw tantrum because of your bad emotion.
Stop chasing for the sh*tty and useless achievement.
Why don't u think how to earn a praise or save a scolding from them every day?

Be fair to everybody.
Nobody will be proud of you being hardworking
when u locked yourself in your room and doing your homework
while others are busy doing house chore to clean up the house.
We do for public, you did for private.
Is that fair? Think.

At the one last day, u will know, what's the most important thing to u.
U can bring the cert and those glamorous achievement into your grave if you want.

Another one, she used to be a cute girl.
A generous and sweet little girl although she likes to cry a lot.
I don't know what's the reason that made her change.
As she grows up, she is now a very bad temper, petty and rude girl.
She is calculative in every single thing.
Every time we asking for her, she seldom response.
Continue her thing until my parents yell at her, only she do it unwillingly.
She used to be very helpful! as the youngest child.
And now she got very bad temper and throw tantrum at small things.
When you ask a favor from others, how could you treat them in that way?
If they can't fulfill your request then throw tantrum like a crazy person?
Stop staring at people, that's really rude. And your action upsets everybody.
How old are you?
U even dare to talk bad and shout at the elders?
Hey, u just get your IC! U can't even take care and feed your own self.
How dare you shout at me: None of your business, why should I(do this and that)? when I try to talk to you.
Everything I told u is for your own good.
Who helps you whenever u need any help, when u can't get what u want from parents?
U tend to be forgetful har?

Totally disappointed in u.
Who causes the mess at home?
Sick of the scolding and screaming at home everyday.
I thought home is peace.
Parents changed. to a better one. Not you.
Well you maybe got lots of complaint about me as well.
I just did this for my lovely parents.
They tend to be very strict to me though.
But I swear, I never disrespect them no matter how they treat me.
At least they are fair to me.
Not like those people from the outside world.
Those who treat me as a WEIRDO.
I just hope they can have a good life when they are getting old.
I am doing my best, but the power of me ONLY is not enough.

Eventhough I got so much dissatisfaction, the moment with you is the best.
I can be natural and comfortable all the time.
U know me best. But u didn't treat me your best.
I didn't mean to start a fight. Just want to express what I feel.

Cause, that's no where I belong.
Heaven, perhaps?
Perhaps there're no space for me as well.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

XQRJ 心情溶剂 新马中文词曲创作比赛 Vote for me!

Sign Up and vote for me @

司徒佳宜See Toh Jiayi, 30 seconds preview version, Come to our Grand Final
(Feb1st@Republic Poly Culture Centre) and support Jiayi! ticketing info

Thank u!!!! :D

Please give some comments also :D